Janfishler, Author at JanFishler

Sleep

Image by Stephanie Ghesquier from Pixabay

Sleep

Last night I was watching an episode of Shameless (I just love that series). Lip’s AA sponsor was so sleep deprived from taking care of his new baby that after a long period of sobriety, he started drinking again. The scene ended with him punching Lip in the face and driving off drunk. A prime-time example of how lack of sleep can impact our judgment and result in dire consequences.

This brings me to the importance of sleep. In this go, go, go, gotta get it done world, who isn’t pushing themselves? All you have to do is sit down in your local Starbucks and watch people work. Or better, look in your own mirror and see the tired face staring back at you. How much caffeine does it take for you to get through the day? Is the gain worth the side effects?

Caffeine

According to an article in Healthline, https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/caffeine-side-effects caffeine is safe for most people if it’s consumed in low to moderate amounts. High doses (400 milligrams/ day or 4 cups of brewed coffee) can be dangerous.

Too much caffeine can cause: Anxiety and nervousness, digestive issues, muscle breakdown, addiction, high blood pressure, rapid heart rate, fatigue (after the caffeine leaves your system), frequent urination and urgency, and, insomnia—difficulty getting enough restorative sleep.

Other Factors

There are factors other than caffeine consumption that contribute to sleeplessness. Stress, worry about work, health, money, and family can consume our thoughts making it difficult or impossible to fall asleep or stay asleep. So can traumatic events like the death of a loved one, divorce, loss of a job. For many people, just listening to the news can cause sleepless nights. For mid-life women, menopause can be the culprit.

Whatever the cause, lack of sleep will eventually take a toll on your mind, body and soul. Instead of being more productive, you can end up spinning your wheels or worse, making serious errors in judgement that can affect your job and perhaps your life.

Solutions

While pharmaceuticals are an option, I prefer more natural alternatives—for obvious reasons, ones that don’t include drinking tea before bed—like those suggested by onemedical.

The original article offers many more do’s and don’ts. But the first six work for me—especially relaxation exercises and mindful breathing.

Stick to a regular sleep schedule (same bedtime and wake-up time), seven days a week.
Exercise at least 30 minutes per day most days of the week. …
Get plenty of natural light exposure during the day. …
Establish a regular, relaxing bedtime routine.
Take a warm bath or shower before bed.
Do relaxation exercises before bed, including mindful breathing and progressive muscle relaxation.

The Quick Fix

It’s amazing how a few deep breaths followed by 5 to 10 minutes of watching your breath can clear your head of stressful thoughts and reboot your system—and help you relax enough to fall asleep. Another option is to listen to any of the sleep meditations on Insight Timer. That app has been a blessing.

Sometimes life becomes so complicated and stressful that the only way to relax is to unplug, change the scenery, and spend time in nature. Remember: Sleep is important. To be our best selves, we really need 7 to 8 hours a night.

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach. You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

If you want to rest, reflect and reset, check out Jan and Beth’s Ignited Women Weekend Retreat October 25-27 in Soquel CA.

Follow Your Passion: Feed Your Soul & Add More Value and Meaning to Your Life

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Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay

Follow Your Passion: Feed Your Soul & Add More Value and Meaning to Your Life

One of the best things about being a “solopreneur” is making money from following your passion. For me understanding and implementing this concept began when I read the book, Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow: Discovering Your Right Livelihood by Marsha Sinetar. It was 1989, I’d been self-employed for about 5 years, and after reading that book, I decided that I would always do work that I loved, that I would always follow my passion.

At that time, I was a corporate scriptwriter. The work was creative, interesting, and I made good money—working for a few different producers on a variety of topics, doing what I do best—write. Eventually, I built a thirty career as a writer and video producer. Getting paid for doing work that I love was icing on the cake. If you’re going to spend 8-10 hours earning a living, it only makes sense to find work that brings you joy and at the very least satisfaction.

Now, I’m launching a career as a motivational speaker. The idea of being on a stage, inspiring people to metaphorically leap into the void, thrills me. I’ll be writing my own script and performing it too.

I don’t write just because I love words. Although lately I’ve been learning a new word a day through Merriam-Webster Word of the Day Today’s word is blatherskite, which means nonsense or a person who is prone to speaking nonsense. I bet you can easily use blatherskite in a sentence.

Mostly, I write to communicate, to solve problems, to inform or train. Words are the tools of my trade. Whether I’m blogging, speaking, recording video, or simply writing to clear my head or tap into my subconscious, I’m following my passion. Sometimes, I branch out and try my hand at poetry or fiction. Neither is my best genre, but I enjoy the challenge of both. My failed attempts make me appreciate the masters.

While I’m most passionate about writing, I’m also passionate (although slightly less so) about hiking, good conversation, reading mysteries, and going to the movies.

Here’s the point:

Following our passions—for at least a portion of each day, feeds the soul and gives life value and meaning. The more time you can spend, doing what you love the better. Obviously, we can’t spend every waking minute only doing what we love. There’s always going to be laundry, dishes, housework, and other demands brought on by those in our care and the people we love. However, in planning our days, it makes sense to schedule at least an hour or two doing those things we absolutely love doing whether we’re paid or not.

Paid or not, I write for at least an hour every day. I hike at least three times a week. Now, that I’ve contained my Netflix addiction, I spend some time each evening reading or going out to a movie. I rarely pass up the opportunity to spend time with or talking to friends.

Here’s your homework:

Make a list of all the things you love to do.
Prioritize the list.
Take out your phone or day planner.
Add one thing each day (that you’re passionate about) from your list.
Make a conscious effort to expand the time you spend pursuing your various passions.

Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you. — Oprah Winfrey

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach. You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

The Importance of Self-Care for Women

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The Importance of Self-Care for Women

Take a dip in the pool at the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat

In July, my good friend turned seventy. Celebrating this milestone was important to her so to commemorate this auspicious occasion, we (four of her girlfriends) took her to Reno for a spa day and night out at the Peppermill Hotel and Casino. It was the perfect day: Massage, pedicure, steam, sauna, hot tub and pool followed by a fabulous meal. We spent the night in a room with a view and before heading home we stopped to do for some shopping. Cindy Lauper was right, “Girls just wanna have fun!” And we did.

More than just fun, for me, the getaway was a reminder about the importance of self-care. Many women are so busy taking care of and orchestrating for others that we often forget to make time to take care of ourselves. Women often put ourselves at the bottom of the to do list.

Of course, there are exceptions. We all know women who are always on the go, doing something extraordinary, and putting themselves first. It’s easy to envy them, but perhaps it would be better to consider them role models. While we’re silently supporting, taking care of, and nurturing our children, spouses, partners, friends, and co-workers—many times without being acknowledged for our effort—they’re taking care of themselves.

Some of us care for others willingly. Others do it with resentment. And then there are those of us who don’t even realize that we’ve given up the parts of ourselves that make us shine. The truth: Regardless of our circumstances, it’s our responsibility to speak out, step up, and take care of ourselves.

But how?

I’d like to suggest that those of us who have stood in the shadows make a conscious decision right now to step towards the light. It might mean taking baby steps. It’s going to be different for each of us. And it means changing our habits and taking action.

Take Action

Maybe you need to sign up for the art class at the local community college. Perhaps it’s time you get the raise you deserve or look for a better job. Or stop complaining about the extra 10 or 20 pounds you want to lose and start going to Weight Watchers or stop eating sugar. Do you need to tell your adult kid that it’s time to move on and out? Would you benefit from fifteen minutes of morning meditation? Is it time to write that book you’ve been thinking about? How about making every Saturday or Sunday your special day—a day you decide how it’s going to be.

Another option is to sign up for a workshop or retreat. Workshops and retreats are an opportunity to change your routine and experience something new and different in the company of like-minded people.

A couple of years ago, I decided that I would get out of town every other month. That year I took weekend workshops in Sacramento, Santa Cruz, San Francisco, and Phoenix. Not only did I change the scenery, but I made new friends, learned something new, had a lot of fun, and became motivated to take action to host my own events.

Upcoming retreat

In fact, I’m currently co-hosting a retreat for women with Beth Nelson, yoga instructor and Life Purpose Clarity Coach, who I met during one of these events!

Realizing the importance of self-care, the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat that Beth and I are co-hosting is in a beautiful, calm location (Land of Medicine Buddha in Soquel CA) and is especially for mid-life women who want to rest, reflect, and reset. It’s an opportunity to walk through nature, experience guided meditation, journal, enjoy delicious vegetarian meals, and take a sauna or a dip in the pool.

Most of all, it’s a chance for women to spend the weekend of October 25-27, 2019 loving and nurturing themselves in a supportive and beautiful environment.

For many, the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat will be the catalyst for deep and lasting change. If self-care is on your agenda, we hope you’ll join us.

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach. You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

I LOST MY KEYS – AGAIN!

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Dirty Alice on left

I LOST MY KEYS – AGAIN!

Last Thursday, I took Alice and Toby, the Golden Retrievers who are in my care (that’s another story), on a walk at the Gracie Ditch, a shaded path bordered on one side by the water district canal. For Goldens and Labs the place is dog heaven. Alice loves getting wet and then rolling in the dirt. She is one dirty girl! We go on this three to five mile walk at least four times a week.

Here’s the routine. I have coffee, feed the dogs their breakfast, put on my boots, grab my pack, and by 7:30 we’re out the door. The dogs race to the car and jump in. Ten minutes later, we’re on the trail. Sometimes we meet up with friends and other times we go it alone. With all the in and out of the water and stopping to chat along the way, the walk takes about two hours.

Last Thursday it was just the three of us. We got back home around 9:30. The dogs were filthy, so I let them in to the back yard to dry off and I went around to the front to take off my boots and hang my pack and keys on a hook.

It’s a routine—something I do without thinking.

That afternoon I went to a movie with my friend Jane. She drove so I didn’t take my keys—at least I don’t think I did. In case you’re wondering, the front door has a keypad, so no key required. I didn’t need my car again until Friday morning. I was dressed and ready to go to the gym and I couldn’t find my keys.

Of course, I could take the spare, but that’s not the point. Certain the keys were on the hook, I couldn’t believe they were missing. Instead of going to the gym, I decided I’d tear the house apart until I found them. They have to be here. I drove the car home!

Because I’m essentially a minimalist, my house is NOT full of unnecessary stuff. Finding things should be fast and easy.

I searched my purse, my pack, the cloth grocery bags that hung on the hook, the couch, under the pillows, under the couch, the kitchen cupboards and drawers, the fridge and the freezer. Thinking that I might have dementia I even looked in the toaster oven! From there I searched my office. I moved my desk, file cabinets and bookshelves. Both bathrooms and the bedroom were thoroughly searched. The bed was stripped and moved it to the other side of the room. Close hamper was thoroughly searched. I checked pockets. I emptied every drawer.

During my search I found five tennis balls and dust bunnies that were hiding under the bed but no keys.

Deja vu

Rewind twelve years. I returned from a business trip. Unpacked the car and the keys disappeared only to be found ten years later. While they were missing, I was certain a poltergeist lived in the house. Turned out, they fell next to the car in leaves and duff and spent the next ten years right where I dropped them. Oh no! Not again.

I went outside and searched the car—the glove box, under the seats, the trunk. I hunted around the car. And, I searched the garage. Nada. Nothing.

Alice!

If it’s nailed down, Alice will steal it. She loves playing “you can’t catch me.” It occurred to me that perhaps I’d left the keys on the bench where I take off my boots and that Alice grabbed them when I wasn’t looking, took them outside and dropped them somewhere in the back yard. I spent the next several hours combing half an acre to no avail. Still no keys.

I had two “psychic” friends come over and help me look. Still nothing. Sigh. I burned sage. I talked to my subconscious….where are my damn keys?

I gave up. I let it go.

I’m a firm believer that when annoying, frustrating, or bad things happen there’s a lesson to be learned.

What did I learn?

It wouldn’t hurt to be a bit more mindful—especially when it comes to routines and those things I do on auto pilot.

Although it’s very tempting to blame Alice. She’s looking very guilty.

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach. You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

Have You Done Enough?

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Have You Done Enough?

This morning I woke up thinking about accomplishments—how much I’ve done during the time I’ve been roaming the earth and how compelled I feel to do more.

Our lives are so busy and we’re so distracted that we rarely stop to take stock of how far we’ve come. In our never-ending quest to be better, to be the best, to succeed against all odds, we don’t think about how much we’ve learned, how much we’ve grown, or how we’ve helped our friends, family and community.

To bring attention to the over-doing plight many of us share, I thought I’d challenge you with an awareness exercise.

Here’s the exercise for today:

Set a timer for 15 minutes and write down every accomplishment that comes to mind. I’m not talking about major achievements or huge successes—although they certain count. I’m talking about the little things too like learning to walk, talk, ride a bike, dress yourself, and tie your shoes. Go back to your early childhood and work your way to the present. Write quickly and don’t give what comes up a lot of thought.

When the timer goes off, read through your list. Keep it handy for the next few days and keep adding to it. Notice whether your list includes a healthy balance between personal and professional successes. If not, what can you do to gain more equilibrium?

My experience

As I did this exercise (my list is at the end of this article), I was amazed by the memories that popped up. And the many things I did without giving myself credit, without appreciating how far I’ve come. I was also stunned by the randomness of the list, how defining moments were co-mingled with the mundane.

After you’re done

Congratulate yourself for being an amazing human. Take some time today and during the week to let all that you’ve done sink in. Appreciate who you are and regardless of what you were told as a child about yourself and others, recognize similarities we all share as well as the abilities that make us unique.

Yes, you’ve done enough, but that doesn’t mean you need to stop or even slow down. It means that amidst this hectic life, you can also give yourself permission to breathe and to be, rather than constantly do and achieve. Are you so busy (and important) that you can’t go for a walk, help you kids with their homework or spend a weekend camping? Okay, so you don’t like camping, but hopefully, you get the point.

No matter how its been or how it is, we all have choices about how we spend our time. I hope your list of accomplishments helps realize that there is time for following your passion and bringing more love and joy into your life.

My Accomplishments (as they popped up):

Learning to walk, talk, read, ride a bike, ice skate, color in the lines, tie my shoes, play the piano, speak some Spanish and French. Graduating from middle school, high school, and college. Getting a master’s degree, driving from Ohio to California by myself, learning to ski, swim and scuba dive, and cook. Being one of the first women to work in the video industry, a career as a corporate scriptwriter and video producer, writing at least 100 video scripts, producing videos for many nonprofit and for profit organizations. Training my dogs, finding my birth family, writing a memoir about my search, getting married, staying married, having and raising kids, getting my spouse VA benefits, buying a house, writing articles about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for a national magazine.

Coordinating tours to Africa and India, back packing through Europe after college, back packing through the Sierra Nevada Mountains, being with my parents during the end of their life, sitting with my cousin at the end of his life, producing a telethon for United Cerebral Palsy, becoming a motivational speaker, getting our daughter the medical help she needed to treat Lyme Disease, emotionally and financially supporting our son on his journey to become a professional magician, being an advocate for both of my children while they were growing up. Making donations to charity, being a good friend, forgiving myself for mistakes, working on healing my adoption issues, being a life-long learner, walking 5 miles each day, lifting weights, dancing.

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach. You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

Goal Setting for Over Achievers

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Goal Setting for Over Achievers

I’ll admit it. In addition to being a recovering Netflix Addict, I’m also an over achiever. I often set unattainable goals and then become frustrated for not achieving them. Here are some of the goals I’ve not attained: Losing 10 pounds in a month, making 20 marketing phone calls a day, going to one live networking event a week, making X amount of dollars a year, walking the El Camino Santiago by 2017.

About a week ago, I decided to publish a blog post every day. This means, rain or shine, sickness or health, holidays and birthdays, I will share 600-800 words of wisdom. Today is Day 5. So far so good, right? Only 360 posts to go!

I am a writer and a writing coach, so this over achiever’s goal is not unreasonable is it? During my writing workshops I always advise people to get into a writing habit. Pick a time that works for you and write for at least 15 minutes every day. My time is early morning. 5:30 a.m. to be exact. That’s exactly what I’m doing. Following my own advice.

What makes the daily post even more reasonable, I rationalize, is that I’ve done it before. One year I posted 365 writing prompts—one for each day, but they were short (less than 100 words), and I wrote them in a couple of weekends.

So, what’s the problem?

I don’t need to gaze into a crystal ball to see that I’ve set myself up for failure.

This morning is garbage day. The trucks come clanging down my street at 5:00 a.m. I’m wide awake. The first thing I think about is coffee. The second thing is what will I post about today? And, can I get it done before I walk the dogs at 7:45 and pack for a two-day spa day in honor of a friend’s “big” birthday. We’re leaving at 10:30 a.m. I’m pretty sure I’ll get the post written, but uploaded with a photo….

Then there’s tomorrow’s post? No, I’m not bringing my laptop to a getaway. That’s ridiculous. Day 6 probably won’t have a post either. Aghhhhh!!!

Let’s be honest here. Regardless of our goals and the best of intentions, life can and will get in the way. The flow gets interrupted and the next thing you know, the goal is on the back burner soon to be forgotten. At least that’s how it often goes for me. It’s why I never lose 10 pounds, or make those marketing calls, or go to those events, or make six figures!

What’s the solution?

This is when I take a 15-minute break to tap into my subconscious—meditate and ask for guidance…. And get a second cup of coffee.

Here’s what my wiser self suggests:

Set more realistic goals. Regarding the blog posts, aim for 3-5 posts a week. Only post on weekdays. Spend the weekend reading and researching content for the next week and having fun. Aim for quality over quantity. Enjoy the process.
Have a compelling why. Why am I doing this? Good question! I like to write. I like sharing information. To walk the talk. What kind of coach would I be if I wasn’t writing every day? To see what happens when you consistently post on Linkedin. Are these reasons compelling enough to keep it going? Time will tell.
Practice self-awareness and compassion. What is most important at this point in my life? The truth: I want to enjoy whatever I’m doing and share what I can. Beating myself up for self-imposed deadlines is no longer an option.

So, faithful readers, because my primary goal is to enjoy life, I’m giving myself permission to miss Day 6. And, I’m forgiving myself for all the goals I’ve missed in the past. I hope my insight into goal setting for over achievers helps you too.

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach. You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

Your Invitation to the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat

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Beth Nelson and Cassie with Jan Fishler, Alice and Toby

Your Invitation to the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat

Several months ago, my friend Beth and I went to a three-day women’s workshop in Santa Cruz. It was held at a large venue on the Boardwalk. About 500 women attended. While some women enjoy large crowds, I thought the event, which had grown exponentially over the past years, was just too big. Instead of being an opportunity to network and connect, it felt impersonal.

Beth and I cut out a day early and spent the remainder of the day hiking at the Land of Medicine Buddha. Amidst the redwood trees and beauty of nature, Beth and I talked about the kind of retreat we would have liked to attend.

A few years back, Beth left her corporate job as a Program Manager to become a yoga instructor, meditation teach, and founder of Ignited Women. Her business helps midlife women find clarity and renewed purpose. My recent book, Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, targets the same demographic, so we always have a lot to talk about.

The Perfect Weekend

We walked and talked and visualized our perfect weekend… Small and intimate for sure. No more than 12-15 women. In a beautiful, inspiring location, somewhere in nature. With walking trails. And good, organic food. A pool and sauna. Comfortable accommodations. Not too expensive. Yoga and meditation. Writing or journaling with an art project. Time to talk and connect, really get to know other women. Massage. Free time to rest and unwind.

By the time we got back to the car, it was decided. We would host a weekend retreat for mid-life women. We just needed to find the right venue. After a week of researching venues in the Santa Cruz area, we came full circle. Nothing was as good as the Land of Medicine Buddha. Sigh. Sometimes it takes time to see the obvious!

About Team Beth and Jan

Beth and I are a unique team. She’s 55 with long, auburn hair. I just turned 70 and have a short, white bob. We met about a year ago at a business development event and realized that we had a lot in common. She teaches yoga. I love doing yoga. She teaches meditation. I meditate. Her target market is mid-life women. I love talking to groups of women who are 50+ about making the most of the rest of your life. Beth is a triathlete. I’m a gym rat. In other words, we both like to move. And, we both love dogs!

Last week, Beth and I developed the detailed schedule for the weekend, which includes: Walking the 8 Verses path, contemplation, free time to use the pool and sauna, delicious vegetarian meals guided visualization, meditation, yoga and Qigong as well as writing to tap into the deep unconscious. There’s also free time for those who want to sign up for a massage. You can see the complete schedule HERE.

Most importantly, Beth is thoughtful, sincere, fully committed to her life’s work and dedicated to supporting women on their journey. I’m all that with a slightly irreverent twist. We’re both seekers—committed to making the second half of life as good as it can possibly be. That includes our commitment to making the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat as good as it can possibly get.

Take Action and Join Us

If spending the weekend at the Land of Medicine Buddha calls to you, then register HERE.

Want to know more? Check out the video of Beth and I talking about the retreat.

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach. You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

Manage Your No Good, Very Bad Day with the Emotional Guidance Scale

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Manage Your No Good, Very Bad Day with the Emotional Guidance Scale

If you have children or spend time around them, you’ve probably read or at least heard of the book, “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.” Written in 1972 by Judith Vorst and illustrated by Ray Cruz, the first sentence on the back cover explains it all: “Alexander knew it was going to be a terrible day when he woke up with gum in his hair. And it got worse…”

As things get worse for the seven-year-old Alexander, his solution is moving to Australia. Why Australia? The reader never knows for sure, but it’s probably as far away from his problems as he can imagine. We’ve all been there, right?

It’s Always Something

There’s no getting around it. Life is full of glitches and issues. It’s part of the human condition. For those of you old enough to remember the early days of Saturday Night Live, you’ll also remember this quote by Gilda Radner’s character Roseannadanna, “If it’s not one thing, it’s another. It’s always something.”

Because problems are inevitable, wouldn’t it be great to find a simple and effective way to change our state of mind without having to move to Australia?

The Emotional Guidance Scale

Enter the Emotional Guidance Scale, which was developed (okay I’ll show my woo-woo… channeled by Abraham-Hicks) to help people move towards joy—a great place to land. Unfortunately, for many people the state of joy can be illusive and even unobtainable.

The moment I saw the scale, something shifted inside of me. If you go to the bottom of this article, you’ll see an image of the scale that’s drawn as two spirals, the upward and the downward.

The upward spiral consists of the 7 best emotional states: joy, passion, enthusiasm, belief, optimism, hopefulness and contentment. The downward spiral contains 15 negative emotions. The worst being fear, grief, despair and powerlessness and the best of the worst being boredom and frustration.

How it Works

The idea is to figure out where you are currently and move up the scale. For example, let’s say you’re angry at your boss because you didn’t get the raise you were expecting. Of course, your anger (number 17 on the downward spiral) can be justified, but that state of mind probably won’t serve you. Getting to a state Joy (and Love) at the top of the scale would require a quantum leap; however, moving up a few notches to Disappointment (number 12) is more reasonable and quite possible.

The Goal

The goal is to spend as much time in the upward spiral as you can. Here’s how to move up the scale when some outside force or your own thoughts effect you.

Realize you’ve been triggered. Triggers are situations like being in the slow line at the grocery store…again, bad drivers, people talking on cell phones at the gym, finance charges on your credit card or worrying about an upcoming project deadline)
Look at the Scale and figure out where you are.
Look at the Scale and figure out where you would like to be.
Choose the better state.

There is no rule that says you must stay in a negative state for any specific amount of time. For example, if feel jealous or overwhelmed go ahead and feel the intensity of the emotion, but only for a minute or so. Then decide to pick a better state of mind. It’s really that simple. Of course, if you’re really worked up, before choosing a better state, try taking two or three slow deep breaths. If that doesn’t work, do some exercise—walk around the block or do a few jumping jacks.

Of course, you could always go to Australia.

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach. You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

The Emotional Guidance Scale https://www.creatingbeyond.com/energy-clearings/emotional-guidance-scale-abraham-hicks

Changing Habits with Insight Timer

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Changing Habits with Insight Timer

I have a confession to make. I’m a binge-watcher of Netflix. Well, until recently, I was a binge-watcher. Now, I guess you’d say I’m in recovery.

It started the summer I was supposed to be writing a book but instead was secretly binge-watching the entire series of Lost. From there I moved on to Shameless, Queer Eye, Outlander, The Girlfriends Guide to Divorce, and others I can’t think of right now. While I would joke about binge-watching with my girlfriends (I need to go to NA—Netflix Anonymous), none of them really knew the extent of my addiction.

Here’s how it would go…

I’d get up early, get my work done as quickly as possible, have an early dinner and settle into the couch for a good three hours (sometimes more) of the series du jour. I’ll admit it: I was ashamed of my behavior, but like any addict, I couldn’t stop. I rationalized. What else was I going to do in the evening? (read, go out with friends) It’s not like I’m gambling away the family fortune or buying hundreds of pairs of shoes. (true) Was my Netflix addiction really getting in the way of my life? (sort of). Was I willing to change? (maybe) Where could I get help? (I had no idea).

One day I decided to quit cold turkey. Instead of turning on Netflix, I picked up Becoming Michele Obama’s book and spent the evening on the couch reading, getting to know about this remarkable woman’s life. Since it was the weekend, I continued reading until I finished the book. I’ll give Michele Obama partial credit for my recovery.

I know you’re thinking…Oh, she just replaced binge-watching with binge-reading. Yes and no. I do read much more now—nonfiction mostly because I’m really into learning new things and making up for the time I lost on the couch.

But the real credit goes to my friend Jane who introduced me to Insight Timer, a meditation app, which I’ve grown to love. The app has been a life-changer—mostly because of the courses you can take (more on that in a bit).

Let me back up…

For the record, I’ve been meditating off and on ever since I read Autobiography of a Yogi in the late 80s and began following the methods taught by Self Realization Fellowship. The lessons would arrive weekly and I was a faithful devote except for the times life got in the way (kids, project deadlines, Netflix…). As recently as 2015 I attended a Vipassana 10-day silent meditation retreat. But then I fell off the wagon and Netflix filled my schedule.

Insight Timer has been a lifesaver. As the app implies, you can just set a timer for a specific duration, but you can also take 10 and 30 day courses from a variety of teachers on a myriad of topics related to becoming a more evolved human. And given the state of the world, this type of insight is not simply helpful, it’s necessary—especially if you’re a news junkie!

Jane got me started with a guided meditation she had been listening to, but I quickly discovered a course and a talk that provided insight and clarity on my binging. Hugh Byrne’s 10-day course, How to Change Unwanted Habits, explained, “how mindfulness is a key to habit change because it brings into awareness behaviors and thought patterns that have become unconscious and automatic.” And a 52-minute talk by Tara Brach, Healing Addiction: De-Conditioning the Hungry Ghosts, “examines the suffering that arises when due to unmet needs for love ad safety, our desire becomes narrowed and fixated on substitute gratifications.” Okay, I get it!

Insight Timer helps me sleep

The app also has an entire section devoted to helping people sleep. Last night I tried the 34-minute Peaceful Sleep Meditation. It must have been great because I fell asleep about 5 minutes into it and didn’t wake up until morning.

In addition to using the app at night to help me sleep, I also spend about 30 minutes in the morning listening to a daily course. I just finished, Manifest Your Ultimate Goals & Dreams by Kenneth Soares which “guides you on a journey to take control of your life and destiny” in 14 minutes a day. I just began “Knowing Your Soul’s True Purpose” by Kim Newing who has a fabulous Australian accent. Although I’m pretty sure I know what I’m on earth to do, why not gain additional insight?

It’s been 40 days (yes, it keeps track) since I began using the app and here’s what’s changed:

I’m sleeping through the night (a miracle at best). Not once have I been tempted to check out Netflix. I’m reading more, and best of all I’m doing more things that I love: writing every day, going out to the movies (once or twice a week), getting together with family and friends, and I’m meditating again. Every. Day!

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach. You can learn more about her at janfishler.net and dontstopnow.us.

Weeding the Garden, Cleaning My Office, and Finding Inspiration from Marie Kondo

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Weeding the Garden, Cleaning My Office, and Finding Inspiration from Marie Kondo

Let me begin by saying that I’m not a gardener. That job belongs to my husband who spends as much time as possible in the yard. But gardens and weeds are a great metaphor for the junk we all collect. I know, it’s never anyone’s intention to end up with a drawer or basket full of useless stuff. It just happens over time. For example, here’s what’s in the drawer that’s closest to my computer desk: Pens, pencils, crayons, paperclips, power cords, thumb drives, sticky notes, pennies, nickels, dimes, gum, gum wrappers, hard candy, hard candy wrappers, old check books and check registers, glitter, double-sided sticky tape, extra headsets, stamps, CDs, and product warranties. I even found a dried-up bottle of white out!

Why am I bringing this up?

This past summer, inspired by Marie Kondo, I decided to go through every cabinet and closet in my house and weed out the non-essentials—everything that doesn’t “spark joy” or have a use. Fortunately, my house isn’t that big and I’m not much of a collector, but the process has been enlightening because it’s brought up interesting and unexpected feelings.

My mother, who was a child during the depression, saved everything. We even reused paper napkins! After she died, I tossed out hundreds of plastic cottage cheese containers, forks, knives, and spoons and an equal number of those aluminum containers from TV dinners. For me, throwing those things away was liberating, but I also felt guilty. My logical mind and my subconscious programming were in conflict. Truth be told, if she weren’t already dead, seeing me toss all those useful items would have killed my mother!

Meanwhile, back at the current ranch…some drawers, cupboards and closets were easier to deal with than others. Getting rid of clothes from my bedroom closet was a piece of cake. I recruited my fashionista friend to help me. If it didn’t fit, was out of date, or just plain ugly, it went to the Goodwill pile. Cleaning out the fridge was a no-brainer—anything out of date went into the compost bin or the trash. Kitchen cabinets were also simple. I pulled everything out—dishes, pots and pans, and glasses—and separated items into keep and items to donate. The donate pile disappeared that day. The medicine chest, which only stocked cold meds and cough syrup, was also easy.

My office was the real challenge.

Do I really need my grandfather’s gold letter opener (yes), or the orange stapler my friend gave me when I started my own business in 1984 (absolutely), or 5 headsets (maybe)? What about the envelop full of old stamps (they’re worth something) or the miscellaneous power cords (I might need them)? What about all those books!

How long do I need to keep tax records? What about the floppy discs from the Mac computer I bought 34 years ago? No, I don’t still have the computer. And what about the file cabinets full of drafts, client projects, and medical and shot records for kids that are now adults?

Amidst confusion and despair, with the insight of a Buddhist Monk, the solution arrived. I packed everything I couldn’t part with and anything I thought I should keep into a three 4-drawer, ugly, beige, metal file cabinets and squeezed them into the corner of the garage. Out of sight for now but there just in case.

Marie Kondo would most definitely approve of my office. However, the weeds growing in the file cabinet and the rest of the garage…well, that’s another story.

So, what did I learn?

When it comes to clearing out personal and household items, I’m a pro. When it comes to business, I decided to error on the side of caution. Don’t get me wrong, I fully intend to eventually (one rainy day far into the future when I’m the last woman on earth) go through those file cabinets.

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach. You can learn more about her at janfishler.net and dontstopnow.us.