Courage to Write

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Writing a memoir takes courage. It often means taking a deep dive into the past and sharing secrets with strangers, family and friends. Judgment of your work and of your life looms large–another reason why you have to be courageous. This past month I’ve been teaching thirteen brave women how to write a memoir. For most of the women, the topics they have chosen to write about requires delving deep into and making sense of childhood memories. Three of the women are writing about growing up with mothers who were mentally ill. They are on a rough road that will ultimately lead to healing. Processing memories and feelings that come up is not easy but it is possible.

When I wrote my adoption memoir, I cried every time I sat down. Often, I wasn’t sure why there were so many tears, but I let them flow until they stopped. Then I wrote. Each word helped me makes sense of the abandonment I experienced as an infant. It took courage to write this story.

Some memoirs are on lighter topics. One women is writing about her childhood in India before she moved to America. The youngest of nine children raised by a single mother with a third grade education, her success story is nothing short of miraculous. Topics covered during this most recent class are: online dating, fraud, quirky friends, watching a friend battle AIDS, an illustrious business career and open marriage. These are the stories shared by brave women–some for posterity others for publication. I feel so privileged to shepherd the process. Once everyone knows the rules for this type of writing, they practice the craft word-by-word, paragraph-by-paragraph, scene-by-scene. For all topics, courage is required to tell a story with passion and honesty.

To make it easy to get feedback on their writing, I encourage people to write every day and share in a private Facebook group. Reading what others write is helpful. It inspires confidence and fosters honesty. It’s not easy to reveal inner thoughts and feelings and seeing someone else do it helps you to take a risk. As author Anne Lamott says, “You own every that happened to you. Tell your stories. if people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” Once you gather courage, you can write your truth–the story you were meant to tell.

If you want to write a memoir, here is how to get started:

1. Follow Habit #2 from Stephen Covey’s The 7Habits of Highly Effective People. “Begin with the end in mind.” Begin each project with a clear vision of your desired direction and destination. Then, make it happen. My dad used to say, “If you don’t know where you’re going, it doesn’t matter what road you take, any road will get you there.” Before you begin to write, be clear about your destination, your goal.

2. Set aside a time and place to write every day–even if it’s only five or ten minutes–and write. Writing is a craft and the best way to perfect the craft is to develop a writing habit.

3. Write with reckless abandon and without judgment. Let the worlds flow without paying attention to grammar, spelling, syntax or the voice of your high school English teacher. Once you have a “shitty” first draft, you have something to work with.

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Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net

Memoir: Is It Time to Write Your Story?

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Memoir, “a version of events as the author remembers them.” That means there is a lot of wiggle room when it comes to writing a memoir. That’s why I like the genre so much. Written in the first person, a good memoir reads like fiction. It’s an opportunity to write a story with the added the luxury of hindsight provided by your older and hopefully wiser self.

My birthday was last week and I went to my local bookstore and bought four new memoirs. I spent the weekend reading and finished: a memoir with recipes, a memoir about a women who becomes a fictional character, and a memoir about learning how to “live, learn and thrive outside the lines.” I have one left., “the story of a childhood defined by the looming absence of her incarcerated father.” I chose them by title, the look of the cover and the copy on the back cover. I was not disappointed.

Characteristics of memoir

A good memoir is personal, honest, and sometimes raw. It takes guts to share portions of your life that are flawed and less than perfect. Experiencing a dark night of the soul. Sharing it with strangers so they can learn and perhaps grow from your pain and perspective is no easy task. Not all memoirs are like that. Some contain personal memoires that inspire and lift the spirits. All good memoirs take the reader on a journey where the author becomes a good friend.

Read memoirs that “speak” to you.

Before I begin teaching a memoir class, I encourage participants to go to their local bookstore and pick out memoirs that “speak” to them. Memoirs come in a range of subgenres from celebrity to political and it’s best to choose those that might be meaningful to you or at least peak your curiosity. There is a lot to learn from reading memoirs that have been written and published by real people–individuals who are not necessarily famous. Whenever I read a memoir by a famous person, I can’t help but wonder who really wrote the book, whose voice I’m actually reading. I know how this works because I’ve been a ghost writer and felt guilty about it. I’m a huge fan of hiring an editor, but my rule: the shitty first draft (to quote Anne Lamott) should be your own..

Memoirs on my bookshelf

When I look at the memoirs on my bookshelf, I seem to gravitate towards personal memoirs and those that inspire. After finding my birth mother’s family and telling everyone who would listen the unbelievable story (I was sure I’d be on OprahI), I wrote and self published a memoir about being adopted. I grappled with writing the story as fiction (I didn’t want to hurt any feelings), but in the end the memoir genre won. The book reads like fiction, but contains the facts as I remember them. Is my memory perfect? Of course not, but it was my story to tell and nothing was going to stop me. Writing the memoir was my way to make sense of my life and to heal from portions of it.

A few years after I published my memoir, I started teaching memoir classes. Everyone has a story to tell and some people aren’t complete until they put it in writing. I absolutely love helping them do it. Maybe you’ve thought about writing a memoir. If so, reach out and let’s talk. I’ll help you get started.

The Power of the Subconscious

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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Tapping into the subconscious

It was the mid-80s (yes, I had big hair) and I was hired as a writer/video producer for a large Bay Area company. My student loans were due and I was thrilled to get a much coveted job in my field. There was only one problem–the company had a no smoking policy and I had a pack a day habit and believed my creativity depended on it. I had one week to quit. Fortunately, I’d had an internship at a public access TV station and one of the clients was a hypnotherapist. Once a week I videotaped him teaching hypnosis to social workers and psychologists. I witnessed the power of hypnosis in that setting and hoped it might help me so I gave him a call. He was happy to help. A few days later I had my first hypnosis session and my last cigarette.

Why is hypnosis so powerful?

There are a few reasons why hypnosis works. The first is that you are in a relaxed state. The second is that a relaxed state is a receptive state–one that is open to suggestion. This state bypasses the critical, discerning mind and speaks directly to the subconscious mind. The subconscious believes just about anything it’s told. Add to this a strong desire to change a particular behavior like smoking and you will manifest your desire. Once I understood the power of the hypnosis and the effect it has on the subconscious, I used it often for relaxation, pain management, anxiety, falling asleep, and getting work done quickly. I used it to come up with creative ideas and to solve problems. I learned self-hypnosis and became invincible. What I discovered is that eventually, the habits I changed using hypnosis no longer required it.

Examples of changes that occurred because of hypnosis

Sleep came as soon as my head hit the pillow. Creative ideas flowed the minute I sat in my office chair. Procrastination disappeared and I consistently completed projects before the deadline. Limiting thoughts and beliefs vanished. Over time, I discovered there were other ways to tap into the subconscious. Relaxation, visualization, exercise, dreams, positive self-talk, even automatic writing. None of these techniques are difficult to apply–you just have to do it. The more you do it, but better you get at it and the better your results. Regardless of the type of work you do, these techniques will enhance your efforts and make whatever aspect of life you choose easier, faster and more fun. For me, it’s writing, For my friend Ruth, it’s learning the piano in midlife. For another friend, it’s her art.

If you want to give some of these techniques a try, I’m offering a FREE Zoom course, “Free Yourself to Write.” It’s the last Wednesday of each month through 2021 from 2-3 p.m. Pacific Time.

You can register HERE.

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Ignited Women Weekend Retreat October 25-27, 2019

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A Weekend Retreat in the Santa Cruz Mountains

Get quiet enough to listen to your inner wisdom at the Ignited Women Retreat at the Land of Medicine Buddha near Santa Cruz, CA from October 25-27 2019.

Discover the tools for self-discovery and expression: QiGong, yoga, seated and walking meditation, guided imagery, journaling, and essential oils—all in the company of like-minded women.

Hosted by Beth Nelson, yoga instructor/Life Purpose Clarity Coach for Midlife Women & Jan Fishler, co-author of Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life.

Single Rooms, Hiking Trails, Pool, Sauna, Vegetarian Meals.

This retreat is about connecting with our authentic selves to visualize and create whatever will bring more joy, love, wisdom, and laughter into your life.

Whatever you want to do, whatever you need to undo, there is time to make the second half of life, the best half. This weekend is just the beginning.

Land of Medicine Buddha provides classes and space for group and personal retreats on forested property in the foothills of the Santa Cruz Mountains, just a mile and a half from Soquel Village, California.

Land of Medicine Buddha is a unique and sacred facility that provides Tibetan Buddhist teachings, retreats, healing, and space for others to bring their workshops. Everyone is welcome; you don’t need to be Buddhist to come for a visit. We are delighted to have use of this facility for our Ignited Women’s Weekend Retreat. Address: 5800 Prescott Road, Soquel, Ca 95073.

All participants pay a retreat registration fee of $399 plus housing and meals for 2 nights:

Pricing

Single Occupancy: $380 + $399 reg = $779

Double Occupancy: $288+$399 reg = $687

Triple room rate: $254+$399 reg fee = $653

Commuter rate: $164+$399 reg fee = $563

The non-refundable registration fee ($399) is due upon sign up with the room costs due by October 4, 2019.

Learn more

Follow Your Passion: Feed Your Soul & Add More Value and Meaning to Your Life

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Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay

Follow Your Passion: Feed Your Soul & Add More Value and Meaning to Your Life

One of the best things about being a “solopreneur” is making money from following your passion. For me understanding and implementing this concept began when I read the book, Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow: Discovering Your Right Livelihood by Marsha Sinetar. It was 1989, I’d been self-employed for about 5 years, and after reading that book, I decided that I would always do work that I loved, that I would always follow my passion.

At that time, I was a corporate scriptwriter. The work was creative, interesting, and I made good money—working for a few different producers on a variety of topics, doing what I do best—write. Eventually, I built a thirty career as a writer and video producer. Getting paid for doing work that I love was icing on the cake. If you’re going to spend 8-10 hours earning a living, it only makes sense to find work that brings you joy and at the very least satisfaction.

Now, I’m launching a career as a motivational speaker. The idea of being on a stage, inspiring people to metaphorically leap into the void, thrills me. I’ll be writing my own script and performing it too.

I don’t write just because I love words. Although lately I’ve been learning a new word a day through Merriam-Webster Word of the Day Today’s word is blatherskite, which means nonsense or a person who is prone to speaking nonsense. I bet you can easily use blatherskite in a sentence.

Mostly, I write to communicate, to solve problems, to inform or train. Words are the tools of my trade. Whether I’m blogging, speaking, recording video, or simply writing to clear my head or tap into my subconscious, I’m following my passion. Sometimes, I branch out and try my hand at poetry or fiction. Neither is my best genre, but I enjoy the challenge of both. My failed attempts make me appreciate the masters.

While I’m most passionate about writing, I’m also passionate (although slightly less so) about hiking, good conversation, reading mysteries, and going to the movies.

Here’s the point:

Following our passions—for at least a portion of each day, feeds the soul and gives life value and meaning. The more time you can spend, doing what you love the better. Obviously, we can’t spend every waking minute only doing what we love. There’s always going to be laundry, dishes, housework, and other demands brought on by those in our care and the people we love. However, in planning our days, it makes sense to schedule at least an hour or two doing those things we absolutely love doing whether we’re paid or not.

Paid or not, I write for at least an hour every day. I hike at least three times a week. Now, that I’ve contained my Netflix addiction, I spend some time each evening reading or going out to a movie. I rarely pass up the opportunity to spend time with or talking to friends.

Here’s your homework:

Make a list of all the things you love to do.
Prioritize the list.
Take out your phone or day planner.
Add one thing each day (that you’re passionate about) from your list.
Make a conscious effort to expand the time you spend pursuing your various passions.

Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you. — Oprah Winfrey

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach. You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

Goal Setting for Over Achievers

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Goal Setting for Over Achievers

I’ll admit it. In addition to being a recovering Netflix Addict, I’m also an over achiever. I often set unattainable goals and then become frustrated for not achieving them. Here are some of the goals I’ve not attained: Losing 10 pounds in a month, making 20 marketing phone calls a day, going to one live networking event a week, making X amount of dollars a year, walking the El Camino Santiago by 2017.

About a week ago, I decided to publish a blog post every day. This means, rain or shine, sickness or health, holidays and birthdays, I will share 600-800 words of wisdom. Today is Day 5. So far so good, right? Only 360 posts to go!

I am a writer and a writing coach, so this over achiever’s goal is not unreasonable is it? During my writing workshops I always advise people to get into a writing habit. Pick a time that works for you and write for at least 15 minutes every day. My time is early morning. 5:30 a.m. to be exact. That’s exactly what I’m doing. Following my own advice.

What makes the daily post even more reasonable, I rationalize, is that I’ve done it before. One year I posted 365 writing prompts—one for each day, but they were short (less than 100 words), and I wrote them in a couple of weekends.

So, what’s the problem?

I don’t need to gaze into a crystal ball to see that I’ve set myself up for failure.

This morning is garbage day. The trucks come clanging down my street at 5:00 a.m. I’m wide awake. The first thing I think about is coffee. The second thing is what will I post about today? And, can I get it done before I walk the dogs at 7:45 and pack for a two-day spa day in honor of a friend’s “big” birthday. We’re leaving at 10:30 a.m. I’m pretty sure I’ll get the post written, but uploaded with a photo….

Then there’s tomorrow’s post? No, I’m not bringing my laptop to a getaway. That’s ridiculous. Day 6 probably won’t have a post either. Aghhhhh!!!

Let’s be honest here. Regardless of our goals and the best of intentions, life can and will get in the way. The flow gets interrupted and the next thing you know, the goal is on the back burner soon to be forgotten. At least that’s how it often goes for me. It’s why I never lose 10 pounds, or make those marketing calls, or go to those events, or make six figures!

What’s the solution?

This is when I take a 15-minute break to tap into my subconscious—meditate and ask for guidance…. And get a second cup of coffee.

Here’s what my wiser self suggests:

Set more realistic goals. Regarding the blog posts, aim for 3-5 posts a week. Only post on weekdays. Spend the weekend reading and researching content for the next week and having fun. Aim for quality over quantity. Enjoy the process.
Have a compelling why. Why am I doing this? Good question! I like to write. I like sharing information. To walk the talk. What kind of coach would I be if I wasn’t writing every day? To see what happens when you consistently post on Linkedin. Are these reasons compelling enough to keep it going? Time will tell.
Practice self-awareness and compassion. What is most important at this point in my life? The truth: I want to enjoy whatever I’m doing and share what I can. Beating myself up for self-imposed deadlines is no longer an option.

So, faithful readers, because my primary goal is to enjoy life, I’m giving myself permission to miss Day 6. And, I’m forgiving myself for all the goals I’ve missed in the past. I hope my insight into goal setting for over achievers helps you too.

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach. You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

Your Invitation to the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat

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Beth Nelson and Cassie with Jan Fishler, Alice and Toby

Your Invitation to the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat

Several months ago, my friend Beth and I went to a three-day women’s workshop in Santa Cruz. It was held at a large venue on the Boardwalk. About 500 women attended. While some women enjoy large crowds, I thought the event, which had grown exponentially over the past years, was just too big. Instead of being an opportunity to network and connect, it felt impersonal.

Beth and I cut out a day early and spent the remainder of the day hiking at the Land of Medicine Buddha. Amidst the redwood trees and beauty of nature, Beth and I talked about the kind of retreat we would have liked to attend.

A few years back, Beth left her corporate job as a Program Manager to become a yoga instructor, meditation teach, and founder of Ignited Women. Her business helps midlife women find clarity and renewed purpose. My recent book, Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, targets the same demographic, so we always have a lot to talk about.

The Perfect Weekend

We walked and talked and visualized our perfect weekend… Small and intimate for sure. No more than 12-15 women. In a beautiful, inspiring location, somewhere in nature. With walking trails. And good, organic food. A pool and sauna. Comfortable accommodations. Not too expensive. Yoga and meditation. Writing or journaling with an art project. Time to talk and connect, really get to know other women. Massage. Free time to rest and unwind.

By the time we got back to the car, it was decided. We would host a weekend retreat for mid-life women. We just needed to find the right venue. After a week of researching venues in the Santa Cruz area, we came full circle. Nothing was as good as the Land of Medicine Buddha. Sigh. Sometimes it takes time to see the obvious!

About Team Beth and Jan

Beth and I are a unique team. She’s 55 with long, auburn hair. I just turned 70 and have a short, white bob. We met about a year ago at a business development event and realized that we had a lot in common. She teaches yoga. I love doing yoga. She teaches meditation. I meditate. Her target market is mid-life women. I love talking to groups of women who are 50+ about making the most of the rest of your life. Beth is a triathlete. I’m a gym rat. In other words, we both like to move. And, we both love dogs!

Last week, Beth and I developed the detailed schedule for the weekend, which includes: Walking the 8 Verses path, contemplation, free time to use the pool and sauna, delicious vegetarian meals guided visualization, meditation, yoga and Qigong as well as writing to tap into the deep unconscious. There’s also free time for those who want to sign up for a massage. You can see the complete schedule HERE.

Most importantly, Beth is thoughtful, sincere, fully committed to her life’s work and dedicated to supporting women on their journey. I’m all that with a slightly irreverent twist. We’re both seekers—committed to making the second half of life as good as it can possibly be. That includes our commitment to making the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat as good as it can possibly get.

Take Action and Join Us

If spending the weekend at the Land of Medicine Buddha calls to you, then register HERE.

Want to know more? Check out the video of Beth and I talking about the retreat.

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach. You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

Writing & the Self-Publishing Life

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Don’t Stop Now is Available on Amazon

The Writing & Self-Publishing Life

Writing a book is rewarding. I love the time spent alone coming up with the idea, creating an outline, and letting the content flow. During my morning meditation, I enjoy imaging the finished product–the color of the cover, the type face, the back cover copy, who will be reading it, and how they will feel afterwards. What I love most is seeing the finished product. I also love the idea of being an Indie author, figuring out the self-publishing process and knowing that the fate of my book is entirely in my hands.

Being an independent author is an enormous challenge.

There is so much information available on how to self-publish your book that it’s easy to become overwhelmed and do nothing. How do I know this? When I self-published my first book, Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (An Adoption Memoir) in 2010., I read everything about self-publishing that I could get my hands on. As a result, I drove myself crazy thinking I had to do it all.

Choose marketing options that suite your personality

What I didn’t realize was the importance of choosing marketing options that suite your personality. For example, if you don’t like public speaking, don’t do it. No, you don’t have to have a presence on all social media or any for that matter. Blogging isn’t for everyone and neither is becoming an Amazon bestselling author, or running a contest, or starting a podcast.

Going the Indie route also isn’t for everyone. It requires creativity and an entrepreneurial spirit, or the funds to hire professionals who can do it for you. A word of caution: be sure to carefully research options and find a reputable publishing company (more about that in another post).

Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life

I’ve spent the past year co-authoring a book, Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life. It’s for women 50+ who want to see how far they’ve come and determine where else they want to go. It’s finished and uploaded to Amazon. My co-author, Elle Gianforte, and I decided to independently publish the book. Why? We have all the skills required to get the word out to our target marketing. And, we’ve gotten really clear about what we are willing to do to publish the book. And, it’s not all that complicated.

Here’s our plan:

PRIOR TO PUBLICATION:

Create a great website: www.dontstopnow.us Done!
Create a DontStopNow Facebook page. Done!
Write and post several blogs on topics related to our book. Invite guest bloggers. Done!
Order ISBN number and Bar Code: Done!
Hire a professional book designer: Patty Arnold, Menagerie Design and Publishing. Done!
Hire a professional proof reader (There is no way you can do this yourself): Kit Bailey.Done!
Find a company offering Print On Demand. We worked with Create Space. Done!
Upload book to Amazon. Done!
Revise Author Page. Done!
Go back to book designer and get a Kindle version of the book. Almost done!
Pick a date for a book launch: October 21 — coming soon!

AFTER PUBLICATION

Host a publication launch party — with wine, food, and a discount price on books.
Use Facebook, personal email, and handouts to invite local people to the party.
After the party, send emails to everyone we know with a link to buy the book.
Send follow-up emails to anyone who buys the book asking for a review.
Send a press release to our local newspaper.
Offer to speak at meetings and events where we can sell books.
Promote the book to appropriate podcasters and radio producers.
Contact independent book stores in surrounding areas.
Beginning in January 2019, host a monthly Zoom call on topics covered in the book.
Conduct 3 month, 6 month, and 9 month reviews and adjust our marketing strategy as needed.

Tip:

If you have a book inside you — stop talking about it and just write it! If you’ve written a book and have the desire to publish it independently, stick with marketing strategies that you’ll enjoy.

Jan Fishler, MA, is the co-author of a new book, Don’t Stop Now, Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life (DontStopNow.us). She is also the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (An Adoption Memoir), and has written several articles about alternative health and PTSD. You can learn more about Jan at www.JanFishler.net.

A List of 15 Go-To Books for Writers

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A List of 15 Go-To Books for Writers

Recently, I’ve been recycling a lot of my paperback books at our local community book swap. The first Sunday of each month, between noon and 2:00 PM, people in my community can drop books off the local grange and take books they want to read. No money is exchanged, and there is no limit to the number of books you bring or take. Volunteers sort the incoming books by subject, making it easy to find something you might want to read. To enhance the experience, local musicians often volunteer to play. Not only is the community book swap an excellent way to eliminate clutter, but it’s a great way to meet like-minded folks.

Most of the books I bring are fiction. Many have been sitting on a shelf collecting dust for years. So far, I’ve never missed a book I’ve given away, but it occurred to me that should I have a moment or regret, I can always download the same book onto my Kindle—a device that works for everything except reference books. This brings me to my go-to list.

There are certain books on my shelf that I will never loan or give away. These are my go-to books. The books I refer to when I’m writing, the books that contain the tools I depend on (proper: on which I depend).

While some writers are blessed with an almost innate ability to retain every rule of grammar and syntax they have ever read, I often need to look things up. Even then, when the content is really important, I run it by an editor. Because I know I’m not alone, I thought I’d share the list of books I will probably keep forever. Here they are in no particular order:

The Oxford American College Dictionary
Rogets Thesaurus
The Chicago Manual of Style
The Copyeditors Handbook by Amy Einsohn
Everybody Writes by Ann Handley
The Art of Fiction by John Gardner
Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott
Tools of the Writer’s Craft by Sands Hall
The Elements of Style by Strunk and White
Aspects of the Novel by E.M. Forster
Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Browne and King
How Fiction Works by Oakley Hall
The Creative Writer’s Style Guide by Christopher Leland

And because every writer needs to understand Social Media….I’m including:

500 Social Media Marketing Tips by Andrew Macarthy
The New Rules of Marketing and PR by David Scott

What books are on your go-to list? They don’t have to be related to writing. The other books I hold on to are those that inspire me or contain words of wisdom.

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Jan Fishler is the producer of the Path to Publication DVD series filmed at the Squaw Valley Community of Writers featuring Amy Tan, Janet Fitch, Mark Childress and other well-known authors, agents, and publishers. She is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (An Adoption Memoir) and Flex Your Writing Muscle – 365 Days of Writing Prompts. She writes articles for VietNow National Magazine and has a bi-monthly column, “Healthy Options” in The Union newspaper.

Getting Words to Flow – 3 Steps for Letting Go of Self-Judgment

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Getting Words to Flow – 3 Steps for Letting Go of Self-Judgment

I’ve made a commitment to blog at least twice a week to provide useful information to help people who write (that’s pretty much everyone who is in business). Getting concepts and ideas out of your head in a way that lets words easily flow on to the page is something we can all benefit from. One of the stumbling blocks for many of us is self-judgment. So often, our critical or negative thoughts about ourselves (and our ability to write) sabotage our efforts before we even begin. As a result, we set ourselves up for failure. We might have an absolutely brilliant idea for an article, blog post, or short story, but a negative thought about our ability prevents us from moving forward.

Many times it’s a voice from the past—a parent who didn’t think you were as creative or smart as your sibling, or a teacher who gave an essay or book report you wrote a low mark. Over time, these comments and criticisms chip away at our self-esteem, and eventually, we replace the word can with can’t. We begin to believe our thoughts and turn them into stories and a self-fulfilling prophecy about our capabilities.

Sometimes, it’s what is not said that harms us. Because actions speak louder than words, maybe nothing was said out loud about your efforts, but when you didn’t get the attention you so rightly deserved, you got the message that what you have to offer isn’t valued. This childhood programming can affect us throughout our lives, and prevent us from doing the work we are here to do.

We are all creative beings, yet many of us let judgment by others stand in our way. Writers see this most often when they are unable to fill a blank page or are thwarted by writer’s block. But it can happen to anyone regardless of their field. Often, self-judgment is what prevents you from making the money you deserve, living the life you desire, or getting the promotion you have wanted. It can be an obstacle from attracting the love you yearn for or living the life you crave.

The question then is what to do about it? The first step is to notice any time the judgment of others creeps into your consciousness. It might appear as a negative belief or an obvious negative thought (I’m not pretty, handsome, smart, or good enough to…) or it could be an irrational justification (Brent has worked here longer and is therefore better suited for the job than I am) even when you know that thought is not true.

The next step is to take a close look at the thought, trace it back to the source, and reconsider the message. Don’t be surprised to discover that you have been a victim of someone else’s projection or their overly critical nature. The intent is not to blame, but to observe the source. If you’re familiar with the work of Byron Katie, this is when you ask yourself, “Is it true?” Most of the time it is not.

Finally, take time to rewrite your history. Sit quietly and picture what should o have been said, or how the situation could have been handled, and replay the ideal scene in your mind until you feel the appreciation and recognition you rightly deserve.

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