JanFishler

Author ~ Happiness Coach

Retirement & Lifelong Learning

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The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to keep learning and expanding my areas of interest. I could easily retire, but then what? Retirement–whatever that means–never seemed like a viable option. When I was a kid, my grandparents retired and moved from Ohio to Florida. My grandfather left his noodle company to my father and dedicated his retirement years to fishing. Every morning he would take his rod and reel, walk down to the public peer and wait for the fish to bite. My grandmother was the opposite. She spent her retirement years at the pool, playing cards and shopping. My parents weren’t much different. My father retired to play golf and cards and my mother followed suit. As I approached retirement years, none of these options made sense to me.

Lifelong learning is more my jam.

I recently became a member of eWomen network–a networking organization that helps women business owners achieve great success. They offer several ongoing live and online and networking opportunities as well as various classes designed to help women entrepreneurs succeed. We are all better together and this organization has mastered the fine art of giving and sharing. At every meeting there is an opportunity for members to introduce themselves and their business. I’d been looking for someone to help me create videos and one of the women on yesterday’s call, Marcia O’Malley, offers that exact service through www.MindfulnessMediaServices.com. Quick!  Hit the easy button.

Yesterday, in addition to networking, there was an online class called “Maximizing LinkedIn.” The instructor, Shannon Danesteh, a charming young woman from Kentucky, was a wealth of useful information that everyone who attended could easily digest and implement. If it weren’t for the pandemic and the upsurge of Zoom calls expanding our networks exponentially, I would not have met Shannon or any of the other women who were on the call. I spent an hour or so after the class updating and completing my online profile and rethinking my online marketing strategy. I still have a lot to do, but I have a much better understanding of the platform.

Community College Classes

In addition to enhancing my social media skills, I also take classes offered through adult education. Last quarter, I took an online class on voice-over training offered by Such a Voice. I’d always thought this would be an interesting career path. Why not keep options open, right? But, I was also looking for tips and suggestions for being a better speaker which I got.  The current issue of “Kaleidoscope,” a publication listing community classes offered by Sierra College, has several courses that interest me. “Keeping a Healthy Back” is at the top of my list followed by “Beginning Piano 2.” The catalogue has something for everyone from business and finance to photography and travel. Just about every community offers some sort of adult education.

A side benefit of taking classes is meeting new people who share similar interests. Anyone who has tried and failed with online dating might want to give community college classes a try. Photography, music and mountain bike fundamentals might have some interesting prospects.

For me, retirement means learning new things and sharing what I know. I don’t expect that to change any time soon. Learning and sharing is the best way I know to keep my brain active and my attitude properly adjusted.

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Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Memoir: Is It Time to Write Your Story?

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Memoir, “a version of events as the author remembers them.” That means there is a lot of wiggle room when it comes to writing a memoir. That’s why I like the genre so much. Written in the first person, a good memoir reads like fiction. It’s an opportunity to write a story with the added the luxury of hindsight provided by your older and hopefully wiser self.

My birthday was last week and I went to my local bookstore and bought four new memoirs. I spent the weekend reading and finished: a memoir with recipes, a memoir about a women who becomes a fictional character, and a memoir about learning how to “live, learn and thrive outside the lines.” I have one left., “the story of a childhood defined by the looming absence of her incarcerated father.”  I chose them by title, the look of the cover and the copy on the back cover.  I was not disappointed.

Characteristics of memoir

A good memoir is personal, honest, and sometimes raw. It takes guts to share portions of your life that are flawed and less than perfect.  Experiencing a dark night of the soul.  Sharing it with strangers so they can learn and perhaps grow from your pain and perspective is no easy task. Not all memoirs are like that. Some contain personal memoires that inspire and lift the spirits. All good memoirs take the reader on a journey where the author becomes a good friend.

Read memoirs that “speak” to you.

Before I begin teaching a memoir class, I encourage participants to go to their local bookstore and pick out memoirs that “speak” to them.  Memoirs come in a range of subgenres from celebrity to political and it’s best to choose those that might be meaningful to you or at least peak your curiosity.  There is a lot to learn from reading memoirs that have been written and published by real people–individuals who are not necessarily famous. Whenever I read a memoir by a famous person, I can’t help but wonder who really wrote the book, whose voice I’m actually reading. I know how this works because I’ve been a ghost writer and felt guilty about it. I’m a huge fan of hiring an editor, but my rule: the shitty first draft (to quote Anne Lamott) should be your own..

Memoirs on my bookshelf

When I look at the memoirs on my bookshelf, I seem to gravitate towards personal memoirs and those that inspire. After finding my birth mother’s family and telling everyone who would listen the unbelievable story (I was sure I’d be on OprahI), I wrote and self published a memoir about being adopted.  I grappled with writing the story as fiction (I didn’t want to hurt any feelings), but in the end the memoir genre won.  The book reads like fiction, but contains the facts as I remember them. Is my memory perfect? Of course not, but it was my story to tell and nothing was going to stop me.  Writing the memoir was my way to  make sense of my life and to heal from portions of it.

A few years after I published my memoir, I started teaching memoir classes. Everyone has a story to tell and some people aren’t complete until they put it in writing. I absolutely love helping them do it. Maybe you’ve thought about writing a memoir. If so, reach out and let’s talk. I’ll help you get started.

 

Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net

 

Sleep

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Image by Stephanie Ghesquier from Pixabay

Sleep

Last night I was watching an episode of Shameless (I just love that series). Lip’s AA sponsor was so sleep deprived from taking care of his new baby that after a long period of sobriety, he started drinking again. The scene ended with him punching Lip in the face and driving off drunk. A prime-time example of how lack of sleep can impact our judgment and result in dire consequences.

This brings me to the importance of sleep. In this go, go, go, gotta get it done world, who isn’t pushing themselves? All you have to do is sit down in your local Starbucks and watch people work. Or better, look in your own mirror and see the tired face staring back at you. How much caffeine does it take for you to get through the day?  Is the gain worth the side effects?

Caffeine

According to an article in Healthline, https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/caffeine-side-effects caffeine is safe for most people if it’s consumed in low to moderate amounts. High doses (400 milligrams/ day or 4 cups of brewed coffee) can be dangerous.

Too much caffeine can cause: Anxiety and nervousness, digestive issues, muscle breakdown, addiction, high blood pressure, rapid heart rate, fatigue (after the caffeine leaves your system), frequent urination and urgency, and, insomnia—difficulty getting enough restorative sleep.

Other Factors

There are factors other than caffeine consumption that contribute to sleeplessness. Stress, worry about work, health, money, and family can consume our thoughts making it difficult or impossible to fall asleep or stay asleep. So can traumatic events like the death of a loved one, divorce, loss of a job. For many people, just listening to the news can cause sleepless nights. For mid-life women, menopause can be the culprit.

Whatever the cause, lack of sleep will eventually take a toll on your mind, body and soul. Instead of being more productive, you can end up spinning your wheels or worse, making serious errors in judgement that can affect your job and perhaps your life.

Solutions

While pharmaceuticals are an option, I prefer more natural alternatives—for obvious reasons, ones that don’t include drinking tea before bed—like those suggested by onemedical.

The original article offers many more do’s and don’ts. But the first six work for me—especially relaxation exercises and mindful breathing.

  • Stick to a regular sleep schedule (same bedtime and wake-up time), seven days a week.
  • Exercise at least 30 minutes per day most days of the week. …
  • Get plenty of natural light exposure during the day. …
  • Establish a regular, relaxing bedtime routine.
  • Take a warm bath or shower before bed.
  • Do relaxation exercises before bed, including mindful breathing and progressive muscle relaxation.

The Quick Fix

It’s amazing how a few deep breaths followed by 5 to 10 minutes of watching your breath can clear your head of stressful thoughts and reboot your system—and help you relax enough to fall asleep. Another option is to listen to any of the sleep meditations on Insight Timer. That app has been a blessing.

Sometimes life becomes so complicated and stressful that the only way to relax is to unplug, change the scenery, and spend time in nature. Remember: Sleep is important. To be our best selves, we really need 7 to 8 hours a night.

 

Don't Stop BookJan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach.  You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

If you want to rest, reflect and reset, check out Jan and Beth’s Ignited Women Weekend Retreat October 25-27 in Soquel CA.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ignited Women Weekend Retreat October 25-27, 2019

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A Weekend Retreat in the Santa Cruz Mountains

Get quiet enough to listen to your inner wisdom at the Ignited Women Retreat at the Land of Medicine Buddha near Santa Cruz, CA from October 25-27 2019.

​Discover the tools for self-discovery and expression: QiGong, yoga, seated and walking meditation, guided imagery, journaling, and essential oils—all in the company of like-minded women.

​Hosted by Beth Nelson, yoga instructor/Life Purpose Clarity Coach for Midlife Women & Jan Fishler, co-author of Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life.

​Single Rooms, Hiking Trails, Pool, Sauna, Vegetarian Meals.

This retreat is about connecting with our authentic selves to visualize and create whatever will bring more joy, love, wisdom, and laughter into your life.

Whatever you want to do, whatever you need to undo, there is time to make the second half of life, the best half. This weekend is just the beginning.

​Land of Medicine Buddha provides classes and space for group and personal retreats on forested property in the foothills of the Santa Cruz Mountains, just a mile and a half from Soquel Village, California.

Land of Medicine Buddha is a unique and sacred facility that provides Tibetan Buddhist teachings, retreats, healing, and space for others to bring their workshops. Everyone is welcome; you don’t need to be Buddhist to come for a visit. We are delighted to have use of this facility for our Ignited Women’s Weekend Retreat. Address: 5800 Prescott Road, Soquel, Ca 95073.

All participants pay a retreat registration fee of $399 plus housing and meals for 2 nights:
Pricing
Single Occupancy: $380 + $399 reg = $779
Double Occupancy: $288+$399 reg = $687
Triple room rate: $254+$399 reg fee = $653
Commuter rate: $164+$399 reg fee = $563
The non-refundable registration fee ($399) is due upon sign up with the room costs due by October 4, 2019.

The Importance of Self-Care for Women

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The Importance of Self-Care for Women

Take a dip in the pool at the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat

In July, my good friend turned seventy. Celebrating this milestone was important to her so to commemorate this auspicious occasion, we (four of her girlfriends) took her to Reno for a spa day and night out at the Peppermill Hotel and Casino. It was the perfect day: Massage, pedicure, steam, sauna, hot tub and pool followed by a fabulous meal. We spent the night in a room with a view and before heading home we stopped to do for some shopping. Cindy Lauper was right, “Girls just wanna have fun!” And we did.

More than just fun, for me, the getaway was a reminder about the importance of self-care. Many women are so busy taking care of and orchestrating for others that we often forget to make time to take care of ourselves. Women often put ourselves at the bottom of the to do list.

Of course, there are exceptions. We all know women who are always on the go, doing something extraordinary, and putting themselves first. It’s easy to envy them, but perhaps it would be better to consider them role models. While we’re silently supporting, taking care of, and nurturing our children, spouses, partners, friends, and co-workers—many times without being acknowledged for our effort—they’re taking care of themselves.

Some of us care for others willingly. Others do it with resentment. And then there are those of us who don’t even realize that we’ve given up the parts of ourselves that make us shine. The truth: Regardless of our circumstances, it’s our responsibility to speak out, step up, and take care of ourselves.

But how?

I’d like to suggest that those of us who have stood in the shadows make a conscious decision right now to step towards the light. It might mean taking baby steps. It’s going to be different for each of us. And it means changing our habits and taking action.

Take Action

Maybe you need to sign up for the art class at the local community college. Perhaps it’s time you get the raise you deserve or look for a better job. Or stop complaining about the extra 10 or 20 pounds you want to lose and start going to Weight Watchers or stop eating sugar. Do you need to tell your adult kid that it’s time to move on and out? Would you benefit from fifteen minutes of morning meditation? Is it time to write that book you’ve been thinking about? How about making every Saturday or Sunday your special day—a day you decide how it’s going to be.

Another option is to sign up for a workshop or retreat. Workshops and retreats are an opportunity to change your routine and experience something new and different in the company of like-minded people.

A couple of years ago, I decided that I would get out of town every other month. That year I took weekend workshops in Sacramento, Santa Cruz, San Francisco, and Phoenix. Not only did I change the scenery, but I made new friends, learned something new, had a lot of fun, and became motivated to take action to host my own events.

Upcoming retreat

In fact,  I’m currently co-hosting a retreat for women with Beth Nelson, yoga instructor and Life Purpose Clarity Coach, who I met during one of these events!

Realizing the importance of self-care, the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat that Beth and I are co-hosting is in a beautiful, calm location (Land of Medicine Buddha in Soquel CA) and is especially for mid-life women who want to rest, reflect, and reset. It’s an opportunity to walk  through nature, experience guided meditation, journal, enjoy delicious vegetarian meals, and take a sauna or a dip in the pool.

Most of all, it’s a chance for women to spend the weekend of October 25-27, 2019 loving and nurturing themselves in a supportive and beautiful environment.

For many, the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat will be the catalyst for deep and lasting change.  If self-care is on your agenda, we hope you’ll join us.

 

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach.  You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Weeding the Garden, Cleaning My Office, and Finding Inspiration from Marie Kondo

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Weeding the Garden, Cleaning My Office, and Finding Inspiration from Marie Kondo

Let me begin by saying that I’m not a gardener. That job belongs to my husband who spends as much time as possible in the yard. But gardens and weeds are a great metaphor for the junk we all collect. I know, it’s never anyone’s intention to end up with a drawer or basket full of useless stuff. It just happens over time. For example, here’s what’s in the drawer that’s closest to my computer desk: Pens, pencils, crayons, paperclips, power cords, thumb drives, sticky notes, pennies, nickels, dimes, gum, gum wrappers, hard candy, hard candy wrappers, old check books and check registers, glitter, double-sided sticky tape, extra headsets, stamps, CDs, and product warranties. I even found a dried-up bottle of white out!

Why am I bringing this up?

This past summer, inspired by Marie Kondo, I decided to go through every cabinet and closet in my house and weed out the non-essentials—everything that doesn’t “spark joy” or have a use. Fortunately, my house isn’t that big and I’m not much of a collector, but the process has been enlightening because it’s brought up interesting and unexpected feelings.

My mother, who was a child during the depression, saved everything. We even reused paper napkins! After she died, I tossed out hundreds of plastic cottage cheese containers, forks, knives, and spoons and an equal number of those aluminum containers from TV dinners. For me, throwing those things away was liberating, but I also felt guilty. My logical mind and my subconscious programming were in conflict. Truth be told, if she weren’t already dead, seeing me toss all those useful items would have killed my mother!

Meanwhile, back at the current ranch…some drawers, cupboards and closets were easier to deal with than others. Getting rid of clothes from my bedroom closet was a piece of cake. I recruited my fashionista friend to help me. If it didn’t fit, was out of date, or just plain ugly, it went to the Goodwill pile. Cleaning out the fridge was a no-brainer—anything out of date went into the compost bin or the trash. Kitchen cabinets were also simple. I pulled everything out—dishes, pots and pans, and glasses—and separated items into keep and items to donate. The donate pile disappeared that day. The medicine chest, which only stocked cold meds and cough syrup, was also easy.

My office was the real challenge.

Do I really need my grandfather’s gold letter opener (yes), or the orange stapler my friend gave me when I started my own business in 1984 (absolutely), or 5 headsets (maybe)? What about the envelop full of old stamps (they’re worth something) or the miscellaneous power cords (I might need them)? What about all those books!

How long do I need to keep tax records? What about the floppy discs from the Mac computer I bought 34 years ago? No, I don’t still have the computer. And what about the file cabinets full of drafts, client projects, and medical and shot records for kids that are now adults?

Amidst confusion and despair, with the insight of a Buddhist Monk, the solution arrived. I packed everything I couldn’t part with and anything I thought I should keep into a three 4-drawer, ugly, beige, metal file cabinets and squeezed them into the corner of the garage. Out of sight for now but there just in case.

Marie Kondo would most definitely approve of my office. However, the weeds growing in the file cabinet and the rest of the garage…well, that’s another story.

So, what did I learn?

When it comes to clearing out personal and household items, I’m a pro. When it comes to business, I decided to error on the side of caution. Don’t get me wrong, I fully intend to eventually (one rainy day far into the future when I’m the last woman on earth) go through those file cabinets.

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach. You can learn more about her at janfishler.net and dontstopnow.us.

 

 

 

 

 

Why I Love Weekend Retreats and Workshops

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Why I Love Weekend Retreats and Workshops

(even the up-sell)

A few years back I decided to take the plunge and really learn about internet marketing. Specifically, I wanted to discover tips, tricks, and strategies to help me update my marketing skills. After reading several books on the subject, I realized I needed more support. That’s when I decided to attend a monthly business marketing meetup hosted by a local expert.

My first experience

The meetup consisted of a luncheon at a moderately priced restaurant and featured two or more speakers on various topics related to marketing. That’s when I learned about and took advantage of the up-sell–the pitch at the end where you try out and buy the experts upcoming services. I said yes to a FREE call to learn how the expert could help my business succeed. As a result,  I paid $197 for my very first weekend workshop event experience.

Because the event was only an hour or so from my home, I opted to commute. In  hindsight was a mistake because I missed out on the evening gatherings. However, during the day, I met some fascinating people and I learned a lot! There was an ongoing Power Point presentation, a detailed workbook, handouts, exercises, and Q&A. Essentially there was an overwhelming amount of information. So much information that if you didn’t have previous knowledge on the topic you’d be completely overwhelmed.

But that’s the point. The expert either overwhelms you with content or gives you almost everything you need so that you jump at chance to join the program that will make you more successful than you ever imagined possible.

All you have to do is cough up 10-15-20 thousand dollars or more. Of course, credit cards are good—especially the ones with no interest for the first 18 months.  Because,  if you do everything the expert says, you will make enough money to pay off the card before interest begins to accrue. One can only hope!

If you detect a bit of sarcasm, you’re right. Fortunately, I’m one of those people who always sleeps on any big decision, so I didn’t bite—at least not for the big up-sell.

But there is an art to the up-sell and when it’s done right, it is very tempting.

My second experience

Because I like learning new things and love to network, this weekend workshop experience was intriguing. While I didn’t sign up for the expert’s up-sell, I did sign up for a weekend workshop in Santa Cruz (pitched by a guest presenter). And one after that in Arizona (pitched by a different guest presenter). Followed by several online challenges. In October I’m headed to another weekend workshop in San Diego. This one is hosted by a woman who did pay the big bucks, followed all of the expert advice, and launched a very profitable business.

Here’s what I’ve learned: With the right mindset, these weekend workshops and retreats are a lot of fun and they provide a very affordable way to have a mini vacation as well as an opportunity to learn something new on a particular topic. They are perfect if you’re an introvert, who knows she needs to get out and meet new people. Because most of the events have practice exercises and networking opportunities, it’s impossible to not meet someone new. It’s also likely that you’ll also meet like-minded, smart people who want to improve some aspect of their business or themselves.

If your job is no longer challenging or interesting, a weekend retreat or workshop is a chance to check out or try something new and different. If you’re business is thriving, why not get away, have fun, enhance your skill set or knowledge base, and create a tax deduction in the process?

Not all retreats are related to business.  My friend Beth Nelson and I are hosting one specifically for women 45+ who want to rest, reflect and reset. To find out more,  check out Ignited Women Weekend Retreat Oct. 25-27, 2019 for Women 45+ at Land of Medicine Buddha in Soquel, CA. Join us for a weekend to rest, reflect, and reset with yoga, meditation, walking, writing and more

–with no big up-sell!