Jan Fishler

Author and Happiness Coach

Resistance and Fear – Outsmarting the Beast

By Leave a Comment

If there is one thing we all need to overcome it’s resistance. I’m NOT talking about ohms– the opposition to current flow in an electrical circuit.  The type of resistance I’m talking about is the one we suffer from when we procrastinate or put off tasks that are essential to our creative or personal growth.  Of course, what we resist persists–unless we do something to change the status quo. There is always a reason for our hesitancy or reluctance.  The challenge is getting to the source of our discomfort to see what we can do to calm the beast that’s preventing us from moving forward. Sometimes, there is a good reason we refuse to change, but most of the time, it comes down to fear of the unknown and false expectations about what we perceive the future holds.

FEAR

No one likes to admit that we’re afraid, but if we look closely at our resistance, fear in any of it’s disguises is usually the source.  Anxiety, angst, dread, panic, self-judgment–what ever you call it, fear is the epicenter of our unwillingness to move forward. Here are some of the unconscious beliefs harbored by the little monster called fear. I’m not good, smart, clever enough. People will make fun of me if…There’s not enough time to…Other people are better at… You get the idea. The truth is, our subconscious programming is alive and well sabotaging our efforts and preventing us from moving forward. How it plays out in life is different for everyone.

For example, it took me years to begin writing my adoption memoir. I was so afraid that my story wasn’t compelling enough, that I wasn’t a good enough writer, that I would never find a publisher.  Then, one day, it occurred to me that I could just write the memoir for myself. I could write my story for my eyes only. Instead of putting undo pressure on myself to live up to a lofty expectation, I could write a little every day and see where it went.  I could take a writing workshop and get feedback on my work. I could fill in gaps in my knowledge by reading books about writing fiction. Eventually, I built up enough confidence to share my writing with other writers and the smartest thing I did was work with an editor. Step-by-step, I overcame resistance and self published my book.

Self publication led to book marketing and new options for resistance opened up. Book in hand, there were new fears and challenges to overcome.  But here’s the thing — knowing that resistance is inevitable makes it manageable because even thought the monster looks different, it’s always the same–fear. What if I couldn’t sell the 3,000 books I ordered? What marketing strategies among thousands would work? Would my book tour be successful?  I was afraid of failing and I was also afraid of success. My book was raw and I felt vulnerable, afraid I’d told too much of the story, afraid I was too honest. I also didn’t have a clue about book marketing and my fear of failure was very real.

THE SOLUTION

I knew I was dealing with the monster of fear who manifested as resistance and procrastination. That monster would always be lurking in the shadows. So, I decided it was time to come up with a strategy for taming the beast once and for all. Turns out, resistance is strongest when there is a lot to gain or lose, but it dissipates and practically disappears when what needs to be done is broken into a tiny task, the smaller the better. So, I started limiting my tasks. Today I will email two adoption agencies and tell them about my book. Or, today I will introduce myself and my book to one local bookstore.  One or two tasks at a time became three or four and eventually I was able to spend half the day on marketing. Eventually, I sold all 3000 books and I kept fear at bay.

That was twelve years ago. Since then I’ve encountered resistance multiple times. It’s always about some sort of fear–real or imagined. In every instance, the solution is the same: break the task down into tiny puzzle pieces and move forward one little piece at a time. The next time the dynamic duo, resistance and fear, turn up for you, take a moment to consider your options. First, ask yourself, What am I resisting? Then, identify the fear. If it’s not justified, move forward.  Finally, take one tiny action.

     #     #     #

Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net.

Getting Words to Flow – 3 Steps for Letting Go of Self-Judgment

By Leave a Comment

Getting Words to Flow – 3 Steps for Letting Go of Self-Judgment

I’ve made a commitment to blog at least twice a week to provide useful information to help people who write (that’s pretty much everyone who is in business). Getting concepts and ideas out of your head in a way that lets words easily flow on to the page is something we can all benefit from. One of the stumbling blocks for many of us is self-judgment. So often, our critical or negative thoughts about ourselves (and our ability to write) sabotage our efforts before we even begin. As a result, we set ourselves up for failure. We might have an absolutely brilliant idea for an article, blog post, or short story, but a negative thought about our ability prevents us from moving forward.

Many times it’s a voice from the past—a parent who didn’t think you were as creative or smart as your sibling, or a teacher who gave an essay or book report you wrote a low mark. Over time, these comments and criticisms chip away at our self-esteem, and eventually, we replace the word can with can’t. We begin to believe our thoughts and turn them into stories and a self-fulfilling prophecy about our capabilities.

Sometimes, it’s what is not said that harms us. Because actions speak louder than words, maybe nothing was said out loud about your efforts, but when you didn’t get the attention you so rightly deserved, you got the message that what you have to offer isn’t valued. This childhood programming can affect us throughout our lives, and prevent us from doing the work we are here to do.

We are all creative beings, yet many of us let judgment by others stand in our way. Writers see this most often when they are unable to fill a blank page or are thwarted by writer’s block. But it can happen to anyone regardless of their field. Often, self-judgment is what prevents you from making the money you deserve, living the life you desire, or getting the promotion you have wanted. It can be an obstacle from attracting the love you yearn for or living the life you crave.

The question then is what to do about it? The first step is to notice any time the judgment of others creeps into your consciousness. It might appear as a negative belief or an obvious negative thought (I’m not pretty, handsome, smart, or good enough to…) or it could be an irrational justification (Brent has worked here longer and is therefore better suited for the job than I am) even when you know that thought is not true.

The next step is to take a close look at the thought, trace it back to the source, and reconsider the message. Don’t be surprised to discover that you have been a victim of someone else’s projection or their overly critical nature. The intent is not to blame, but to observe the source. If you’re familiar with the work of Byron Katie, this is when you ask yourself, “Is it true?” Most of the time it is not.

Finally, take time to rewrite your history. Sit quietly and picture what should o have been said, or how the situation could have been handled, and replay the ideal scene in your mind until you feel the appreciation and recognition you rightly deserve.

—–

Jan Fishler is the producer of the Path to Publication DVD series filmed at the Squaw Valley Community of Writers featuring Amy Tan, Janet Fitch, Mark Childress and other well-known authors, agents, and publishers. She is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (An Adoption Memoir) and Flex Your Writing Muscle – 365 Days of Writing Prompts. She writes articles for VietNow National Magazine and has a bi-monthly column, “Healthy Options” in The Union newspaper.