Jan Fishler

Author and Happiness Coach

Commentary on Writing and Life

Completion: My Word for 2022

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My word for 2022 is completion. I generally spend a portion of new year’s eve thinking about the past year and picking a word to represent how I hope the following year unfolds. Last year my word was action. The year before it was truth. I chose completion because at this point in my career–and in my life, I have accomplished a lot, but I have some unfinished projects that I want to complete.  At the top of my list is offering writing classes that I’ve developed and tested but never really marketed consistently. I get very excited about creating content, but getting the word out about my offering is where I drop the ball.

At the end of 2021, I finally hired someone to help me–a decision I wish I’d made years ago, but at least I have help now. As a result, I am actually doing most of the tasks that are on my marketing plan. My posts look professional and my messaging is consistent. Now, all I have to do is stay the course.

Projects to be completed

In addition to writing courses I want to share, I also have some unfinished books. There’s fiction about Jane, the birth mother I never met and non-fiction containing wisdom I’ve collected over the years in an attempt to make sense of some of the nonsense I’ve encountered both personally and professionally. There is also started a series of guided visualizations that I had hoped to turn into a podcast. I’m sure if I thumb through my file cabinet, there are other half finished projects that I’ve forgotten about.

When I picked completion as my word for 2022, I considered whether it would put too much pressure on me to complete something the wasn’t worth finishing. Sometimes there’s a good reason that first draft remains untouched. A few years ago, I threw away years of journals. Like many writers, I carried a notebook with me wherever I went and filled it with what I believed to be brilliant thoughts.  There might have been a few gems, but most of the content wasn’t worth saving. With absolutely no regret, I dumped at least thirty notebooks into the trash. Good riddance to….

Stream of Consciousness Writing

Needless to say, I haven’t stopped buying and filling notebooks. Jotting down ideas is a big part of my day. I blame it all on Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way and her morning pages. For years, per her suggestion,  my morning routine consisted of coffee and stream of consciousness writing as a form of meditation.  It was an excellent way to tap into my subconscious to find inspiration and to solve problems. It’s amazing what lies beneath the surface of our conscious mind–if we just give it a voice and stop long enough to listen.

If you like the idea of picking a word for the year that might help you focus and accomplish a goal, it’s s not too late. You might already know what that word needs to be, or you might want to use a word for the year generator. created by comedian Jen Fulwiler. Her generator randomly picks a word for you–and you can keep picking until you get the one that inspires you.  I just gave Jen’s generator a try and my word is SLOW. Yes, it speaks to me. I’m always reminding myself to slow down and take my time.

What’s your word for 2022?

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Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net.

Resistance and Fear – Outsmarting the Beast

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If there is one thing we all need to overcome it’s resistance. I’m NOT talking about ohms– the opposition to current flow in an electrical circuit.  The type of resistance I’m talking about is the one we suffer from when we procrastinate or put off tasks that are essential to our creative or personal growth.  Of course, what we resist persists–unless we do something to change the status quo. There is always a reason for our hesitancy or reluctance.  The challenge is getting to the source of our discomfort to see what we can do to calm the beast that’s preventing us from moving forward. Sometimes, there is a good reason we refuse to change, but most of the time, it comes down to fear of the unknown and false expectations about what we perceive the future holds.

FEAR

No one likes to admit that we’re afraid, but if we look closely at our resistance, fear in any of it’s disguises is usually the source.  Anxiety, angst, dread, panic, self-judgment–what ever you call it, fear is the epicenter of our unwillingness to move forward. Here are some of the unconscious beliefs harbored by the little monster called fear. I’m not good, smart, clever enough. People will make fun of me if…There’s not enough time to…Other people are better at… You get the idea. The truth is, our subconscious programming is alive and well sabotaging our efforts and preventing us from moving forward. How it plays out in life is different for everyone.

For example, it took me years to begin writing my adoption memoir. I was so afraid that my story wasn’t compelling enough, that I wasn’t a good enough writer, that I would never find a publisher.  Then, one day, it occurred to me that I could just write the memoir for myself. I could write my story for my eyes only. Instead of putting undo pressure on myself to live up to a lofty expectation, I could write a little every day and see where it went.  I could take a writing workshop and get feedback on my work. I could fill in gaps in my knowledge by reading books about writing fiction. Eventually, I built up enough confidence to share my writing with other writers and the smartest thing I did was work with an editor. Step-by-step, I overcame resistance and self published my book.

Self publication led to book marketing and new options for resistance opened up. Book in hand, there were new fears and challenges to overcome.  But here’s the thing — knowing that resistance is inevitable makes it manageable because even thought the monster looks different, it’s always the same–fear. What if I couldn’t sell the 3,000 books I ordered? What marketing strategies among thousands would work? Would my book tour be successful?  I was afraid of failing and I was also afraid of success. My book was raw and I felt vulnerable, afraid I’d told too much of the story, afraid I was too honest. I also didn’t have a clue about book marketing and my fear of failure was very real.

THE SOLUTION

I knew I was dealing with the monster of fear who manifested as resistance and procrastination. That monster would always be lurking in the shadows. So, I decided it was time to come up with a strategy for taming the beast once and for all. Turns out, resistance is strongest when there is a lot to gain or lose, but it dissipates and practically disappears when what needs to be done is broken into a tiny task, the smaller the better. So, I started limiting my tasks. Today I will email two adoption agencies and tell them about my book. Or, today I will introduce myself and my book to one local bookstore.  One or two tasks at a time became three or four and eventually I was able to spend half the day on marketing. Eventually, I sold all 3000 books and I kept fear at bay.

That was twelve years ago. Since then I’ve encountered resistance multiple times. It’s always about some sort of fear–real or imagined. In every instance, the solution is the same: break the task down into tiny puzzle pieces and move forward one little piece at a time. The next time the dynamic duo, resistance and fear, turn up for you, take a moment to consider your options. First, ask yourself, What am I resisting? Then, identify the fear. If it’s not justified, move forward.  Finally, take one tiny action.

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Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net.

Neuroscience: Maintaining Balance in an Unpredictable World

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Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Maintaining Balance in an Unpredictable World

Life is full of ups and downs, pleasure and pain, joy and frustration. Most of us pursue the good feelings and good times and run from the opposite. We do everything in our power to avoid pain and suffering. Sometimes our actions provide short-term relief. Other times we find ourselves back at the same old sand pit. What’s going on? Let’s look at neuroscience to see how the brain can help us maintain balance in an unpredictable world.

According to information in Buddha’s Brain – The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love & Wisdom by Rick Hanson, Ph.D., the brain is hard wired to cling to negative experiences and is drawn to bad news. As a result, the brain over looks good news, highlights bad news and creates anxiety and pessimism. Without intervention, without cultivating awareness, running from the discomforts that are part of everyday life is futile. We say we want to experience more freedom, joy and happiness in our lives, but most of us don’t know how to create it. Our brain’s wiring makes it worse. Instead of helping us be all we can be, our brain clings to limiting beliefs that keep us stuck in the past.

The Brain

The brain is wired for safety and security and the avoidance of risk-taking. This started when survival depended on outrunning tigers. To help us survive the brain tries to find and maintain fixed patterns that occur in an ever-changing world. As a result, the brain wants to maintain the status quo–what it knows and understands. That’s why the good feelings associated with a new job or a raise, an opportunity to collaborate with someone we hold in high regard, or the publication of a book doesn’t last long. This is also why we keep experiencing the same bad relationships.

Think about the last time something wonderful happened to you. An engagement or marriage, the birth of a baby, buying a new home, or a promotion. Recall how happy and excited you were. Now, recall how long those good feelings lasted or to be more accurate, how quickly it took for those good feelings to fade.  Just because the brain is wired to return to a less than joyful state, doesn’t mean you have to go there.

Hanson’s Research

Hanson’s research on the brain provides an array of options for reaching happier state of mind instead of feeling driven, rattled, stressed, irritated, anxious or blue. These include relaxation, diaphragm breathing, progressive relaxation, big exhalation, touching the lips, yoga, imagery, balancing your heartbeat and meditation.

To feel safer and “control the hardwired tendency to look for and overreact to threats,” in addition to relaxation and imagery, Hanson recommends connecting with people who support you, bringing mindfulness to fear, evoking inner protectors, and being realistic–generally nothing is as bad as we imagine. His final recommendation is finding refuge– “anyone or anything that provides reliable sanctuary and protection so you can let down your guard and gather strength and wisdom.”

Finding Refuge

Many people find refuge in nature. Camping, hiking, walking outdoors is a great way to recharge. As often as possible I take my golden retriever for a walk along a woodsy canal near my home. No matter what problems I’m experiencing or troubling thoughts I’m carrying with me, a walk in nature always helps. Writing is also a source of refuge for me. I spend the first 15-30 minutes of each morning writing in a journal–recording dreams, setting my intention for the day, unloading thoughts and ideas. When the pandemic first began and we were required to stay at home, writing helped me remain calm and weather the unknown storm.

Exercise, relaxation, and meditation are also sources of refuge for me. Currently, I’m following ab, arm, and leg routines by Sarah Rector on DailyOM. If you’re not familiar with DailyOM check it out. They offer a variety of life-changing courses like Chair Yoga for Healing and 4 Min Metabolism Booster–at pay what you can prices. For guided meditation, I go to InsightTimer. Otherwise, after exercise I sit on my mat and follow my breath for a minimum of 5 minutes, sometimes more.

In an unpredictable world, the brain can be a powerful ally. You simply need to understand how to use it to maintain balance and enjoy life more.

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Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net

 

Habits of Successful People

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Habits — the good, the bad and the ugly. The goal is to develop good ones, but that’s not always easy. Obstacles often abound making it difficult to reach your objective. Many times,  the things that trip us up and stop us dead in our tracks are often of our own making. Fear, perfection, ego, avoidance, hopelessness, apathy, comparing yourself to others–the list goes on and on.

Generally, obstacles come from the unconscious programming we received as children and never bothered to rethink and repair. Voices of former teachers who lacked faith in our abilities, critical parents, teasing by older siblings. The little jabs and digs add up until we lose faith in our abilities and in ourselves. Feeling worthless or less than, we let go of dreams and aspirations and settle for good enough. We stop believing that our goals are attainable. Bitching and complaining, we stay in dead-end jobs and remain in unfulfilling relationships. If this goes on long enough, we simply give up. Negative beliefs and bad habits can be reversed.

You can rewire your brain and overcome hurdles.

Fortunately, it’s possible to reprogram the brain to overcome the hurdles that prevent us from achieving our goals. It doesn’t take years of therapy to become a highly successful person. We’ve come a long way since 1987 when Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People was published. The field of neuroscience provides an array of solutions for overcoming habits and behaviors that no longer serve us.  This field includes any or all of the sciences that deal with the structure or function of the nervous system and brain. As a result of research in these fields, rewiring the brain for better results–including optimal health and wellness–has become a popular pursuit.  Books on the topic abound. and so do free audio recordings. Just Google, “reprogram the brain” or “rewire the brain.”  There are also many experts in the rewire field such as Dr. Joe Dispenza and Dr. Bruce Lipton.

Strategies to change your thinking abound.

Clinical Hypnosis, Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping), Gratitude daily practice, Inner Child Work, Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP), and Psych K , to name a few.

My journey began with hypnosis. It was the mid-80s and out of many candidates, I was selected to be the writer/producer for a large Bay Area corporation. I’d just completed my master’s degree and student loans were coming due. This job was a lifesaver, but here was one problem. The company had a no smoking policy, and I had a pack-a-day habit.  To make matters worse, most of my smoking occurred as a precursor to a writing assignment. Cigarette smoke was my muse. At the time, I had been videotaping hypnosis training workshops where I saw first-hand the power of this therapeutic technique.  I called the psychologist in charge. If anyone could help me, it would be him. Two sessions did the trick. A week later, I was smoke free and I never smoked again.

Trick the subconscious mind to make life better.

That experience launched my mission to discover other ways to trick my subconscious into making my life better. My bag of tricks includes affirmations, breath work, exercise, laughter, relaxation, meditation, music, self-hypnosis and visualization.  A little NLP and gratitude is also part of the mix. For example, whenever I need to write anything I stretch and get into a relaxed state of mind. Then, I picture my ideal outcome and imagine myself writing quickly and with ease.  Before I start typing, I tell my subconscious what I need: you have forty minutes to complete this blog post. If I’m not in a great mood I might do some laughter yoga–yes, it’s a thing or add items to my gratitude journal.

Check out Mel Robbins, The 5 Second Rule.

Most recently I discovered Mel Robbins book, The 5 Second Rule. Robbins says, “The 5-second rule is simple. If you have an instinct to act on a goal, you must physically move within 5 seconds or your brain will kill it. …. Hesitation is the kiss of death. You might hesitate for a just nanosecond, but that’s all it takes.” The trick is to count backwards: 5-4-3-2-1 and then act.  This past week I’ve used the rule to not have a second glass of wine, not eat dessert, not binge watch Chicago Med.  I’ve also used the rule to make progress on my seemingly endless to do list.  Thank you, Mel!

It’s unrealistic to think that life will always go as planned, but there’s no reason to let obstacles real and imagined thwart our progress. An abundance of tools are available to help you rewire your brain to become happier, healthier and more productive.

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Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net.

Courage to Write

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Writing a memoir takes courage. It often means taking a deep dive into the past and sharing secrets with strangers, family and friends. Judgment of your work and of your life looms large–another reason why you have to be courageous. This past month I’ve been teaching thirteen brave women how to write a memoir. For most of the women, the  topics they have chosen to write about requires delving deep into and making sense of childhood memories. Three of the women are writing about growing up with mothers who were mentally ill. They are on a rough road  that will ultimately lead to healing. Processing memories and feelings that come up is not easy but it is possible.

When I wrote my adoption memoir, I cried every time I sat down. Often, I wasn’t sure why there were so many tears, but I let them flow until they stopped. Then I wrote.  Each word helped me makes sense of the abandonment I experienced as an infant. It took courage to write this story.

Some memoirs are on lighter topics. One women is writing about her childhood in India before she moved to America.  The youngest of nine children raised by a single mother with a third grade education, her success story is nothing short of miraculous. Topics covered during this most recent class are: online dating, fraud, quirky friends, watching a friend battle AIDS, an illustrious business career and open marriage. These are the stories shared by brave women–some for posterity others for publication. I feel so privileged  to shepherd the process. Once everyone knows the rules for this type of writing, they practice the craft word-by-word, paragraph-by-paragraph, scene-by-scene. For all topics, courage is required to tell a story with passion and honesty.

To make it easy to get feedback on their writing,  I encourage people to write every day and share in a private Facebook group. Reading what others write is helpful. It inspires confidence and fosters honesty. It’s not easy to reveal inner thoughts and feelings and seeing someone else do it helps you to take a risk. As author Anne Lamott says, “You own every that happened to you. Tell your stories. if people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” Once you gather courage, you can  write your truth–the story you were meant to tell.

If you want to write a memoir, here is how to get started:

1. Follow Habit #2 from Stephen Covey’s The 7Habits of Highly Effective People.  “Begin with the end in mind.” Begin each project with a clear vision of your desired direction and destination. Then, make it happen. My dad used to say, “If you don’t know where you’re going, it doesn’t matter what road you take, any road will get you there.”  Before you begin to write, be clear about your destination, your goal.

2. Set aside a time and place to write every day–even if it’s only five or ten minutes–and write. Writing is a craft and the best way to perfect the craft is to develop a writing habit.

3. Write with reckless abandon and without judgment.  Let the worlds flow without paying attention to grammar, spelling, syntax or the voice of your high school English teacher. Once you have a “shitty” first draft, you have something to work with.

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Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net

 

 

 

Writing is for Everyone

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Writing and being a writer is what I do. It’s what I’ve always done. Articles, blog posts, books, corporate scripts, courses, press releases, sales collateral, speeches and training manuals. You name it, I’ve written it.  As a freelance writer, that’s what you do. You write and rewrite until you get it right and right is when the client is satisfied. A few years ago, I shifted my focus to teaching online writing classes.

Currently, I offer three classes:

Free Yourself to Write teaches how to tap into the subconscious to make writing fast, easy and fun. I teach this class for free because I don’t want writers to struggle unnecessarily.

Memoir-writing is another class. I love this genre because it combines facts with fiction and I get the inside scoop on people’s lives. Right now, I’m working with thirteen women who have remarkable and diverse stories to tell. Themes range from childhood abuse to international relations. Sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph, scene by scene stories unfold–for posterity and perhaps publication.

The third class I teach is non-fiction writing for speakers and entrepreneurs who want to share their knowledge and increase their authority in their field. Nothing screams expertise better than a well written, and professionally edited published book. By the end of a weekend participants have outlined their entire book and most have written one or two chapters. The process evolved from my years of freelancing.  Getting projects done as fast as possible was always the goal.

While I love sharing my knowledge with others, what I enjoy most about teaching is seeing people–who don’t think they can write well enough or who don’t enjoy writing–experience success.  Writing is a craft and learning increases exponentially when you’re relaxed and having fun.  Once you know the rules and get into a relaxed state of mind, words flow.

 

 

Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net

Banishing Judgment–There are Options

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Judgment is a topic that is currently at the forefront of my mind. Why? I started my Your Memoir: Just Write It! Zoom course and realized how prone to criticism and self-judgment many writers are.  I decided that today, I would share my thoughts about the subject. Judgment is a vicious cycle. If you judge others, you are likely to criticize and judge yourself. If you are perfectionistic and judgmental of yourself, you’re probably the first to judge others.  When it comes to judgment, there are no winners.

While judgment of others is usually a way to make yourself feel better—at the expense of those you are judging—self-judgment is like drinking poison. It stops you from following your dreams and prevents you from doing what you love. Self-judgement stops us from speaking our truth, prevents us from taking risks, makes us second-guess our talents and abilities and keeps us in a cage of our own making.

When it comes to creative thinking, self-judgment is more damaging than judgement of others because it can result in anger, anxiety and depression. The real cause of self-judgment is our thoughts and the meaning we attach to them. For example, if you’re writing a book or working on a project and you get stuck, your self-judging self-talk might lead you down a rabbit hole. I’m never going to get this right. I’m just not smart enough. Why did I even start? This type of thinking is not only counter productive, it’s destructive. It doesn’t have to be this way.

There are several things you can do to banish self-judgment.

  1. See it for what it is—negative self talk reflecting your frustration and feelings for the moment. There are times when even the best and brightest get stuck. When this happens, rather than let it get you down, try changing the scenery. Go for a walk, head for the gym, stretch, do some jumping jacks.
  2. Go back to the task. If you’re still stuck, try some mindfulness breathing. Close your eyes. To the count of four breath in…hold your breath…exhale.  Focus on your breath. Repeat for five minutes or until your mind is cleared of all negative thoughts.
  3. Return to the task. If you’re still feeling stuck, solicit help. There is no shame in asking for input or advice. We are all better together.
  4. Make an effort to say good things about yourself, your work and your life. If it helps, write affirmations on sticky notes and post as reminders. Look in the mirror and repeat statements like, I am open to new possibilities…The solution to my problem is on it’s way…I am confident and capable. 

Often self-judgment comes from messages we received during childhood from a teacher, a parent, an older sibling or even a friend.  Perhaps you were teased when you slipped an fell or got a bad grade on a test. Maybe you were called names or taunted for your appearance. Even comments made in jest can have a negative long-term impact. There is good news: As adults, we have the ability to reframe incidents from our childhood and discard limiting thoughts and beliefs.

So the next time, self-judgment creeps into your world, instead of letting it get you down, take some action and get back to the task at hand.

 

Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net

 

Memoir: Is It Time to Write Your Story?

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Memoir, “a version of events as the author remembers them.” That means there is a lot of wiggle room when it comes to writing a memoir. That’s why I like the genre so much. Written in the first person, a good memoir reads like fiction. It’s an opportunity to write a story with the added the luxury of hindsight provided by your older and hopefully wiser self.

My birthday was last week and I went to my local bookstore and bought four new memoirs. I spent the weekend reading and finished: a memoir with recipes, a memoir about a women who becomes a fictional character, and a memoir about learning how to “live, learn and thrive outside the lines.” I have one left., “the story of a childhood defined by the looming absence of her incarcerated father.”  I chose them by title, the look of the cover and the copy on the back cover.  I was not disappointed.

Characteristics of memoir

A good memoir is personal, honest, and sometimes raw. It takes guts to share portions of your life that are flawed and less than perfect.  Experiencing a dark night of the soul.  Sharing it with strangers so they can learn and perhaps grow from your pain and perspective is no easy task. Not all memoirs are like that. Some contain personal memoires that inspire and lift the spirits. All good memoirs take the reader on a journey where the author becomes a good friend.

Read memoirs that “speak” to you.

Before I begin teaching a memoir class, I encourage participants to go to their local bookstore and pick out memoirs that “speak” to them.  Memoirs come in a range of subgenres from celebrity to political and it’s best to choose those that might be meaningful to you or at least peak your curiosity.  There is a lot to learn from reading memoirs that have been written and published by real people–individuals who are not necessarily famous. Whenever I read a memoir by a famous person, I can’t help but wonder who really wrote the book, whose voice I’m actually reading. I know how this works because I’ve been a ghost writer and felt guilty about it. I’m a huge fan of hiring an editor, but my rule: the shitty first draft (to quote Anne Lamott) should be your own..

Memoirs on my bookshelf

When I look at the memoirs on my bookshelf, I seem to gravitate towards personal memoirs and those that inspire. After finding my birth mother’s family and telling everyone who would listen the unbelievable story (I was sure I’d be on OprahI), I wrote and self published a memoir about being adopted.  I grappled with writing the story as fiction (I didn’t want to hurt any feelings), but in the end the memoir genre won.  The book reads like fiction, but contains the facts as I remember them. Is my memory perfect? Of course not, but it was my story to tell and nothing was going to stop me.  Writing the memoir was my way to  make sense of my life and to heal from portions of it.

A few years after I published my memoir, I started teaching memoir classes. Everyone has a story to tell and some people aren’t complete until they put it in writing. I absolutely love helping them do it. Maybe you’ve thought about writing a memoir. If so, reach out and let’s talk. I’ll help you get started.

 

Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net

 

Your Memoir: Just Write It!

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Your Memoir

People live interesting lives. No matter who you talk to, they have a story about something unusual or remarkable that they’ve accomplished. Most of us are so busy moving on to the next thing, we forget to savor the highlights and the lessons. Writing a memoir or a family history is a great way to record and share the details of an event and record it for future generations. In my case, it was searching for my birth mother. When I finally mustered the courage to search, I was amazed at what I discovered.  After telling my story to anyone who would listen, I had to write a book about it.

Memoir about finding my birth father’s family

During the pandemic, I found my birth father’s family including four additional half siblings. After growing up an only child, I’m now one of thirteen!  I’m getting to know them via Zoom and in person. Last April I went to Atlanta and met Karin who is fourteen months older than me and Marla who is six years younger.  Every Wednesday, I’ve met my other half-sibling, Rita, her daughter Jennifer and some other women during a Zoom call. This October my grown kids and my 8 month old granddaughter are headed back to Atlanta for an engagement party where I’m going to meet other family members including a younger brother, Gary.

Of course, we won’t ever know how my birth parents got together, but there has been a lot of speculation. Gary thinks they met during a parade held for the Cleveland Indians after they won the World Series in 1948 because I was born 283 days later. Given what I know about my birthmother, anything is possible. She was cute and available.

My fantasy

Abut 10 years ago, before I knew anything about my birth father, I wrote a fictionalized account about him and their meeting. In my fantasy, he is  a sailor on leave and she is a recently divorced young mother of three. It was lust at first sight. It never occurred to me that my birth father was married with two children. What in the world was he thinking!  Finding out about me was a shock to my birth father’s family, but I’ve been welcomed with open arms.  It’s amazing how much we have in common.

When it comes to nature vs nurture, nature definitely wins. We have so many interests in common: meditation, walking, yoga, dance, cooking, personal growth. attitude about family. The list goes on. Finding them this late in life is wonderful in so many ways and also bitter-sweet. I can’t help but think how great it would have been to grow up in a large family.

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Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. 

Follow Your Passion: Feed Your Soul & Add More Value and Meaning to Your Life

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Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay

Follow Your Passion: Feed Your Soul & Add More Value and Meaning to Your Life

One of the best things about being a “solopreneur” is making money from following your passion.  For me understanding and implementing this concept began when I read the book, Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow:  Discovering Your Right Livelihood by Marsha Sinetar. It was 1989, I’d been self-employed for about 5 years, and after reading that book, I decided that I would always do work that I loved, that I would always follow my passion.

At that time, I was a corporate scriptwriter. The work was creative, interesting, and I made good money—working for a few different producers on a variety of topics, doing what I do best—write. Eventually, I built a thirty career as a writer and video producer. Getting paid for doing work that I love was icing on the cake. If you’re going to spend 8-10 hours earning a living, it only makes sense to find work that brings you joy and at the very least satisfaction.

Now, I’m launching a career as a motivational speaker. The idea of being on a stage, inspiring people to metaphorically leap into the void, thrills me. I’ll be writing my own script and performing it too.

I don’t write just because I love words. Although lately I’ve been learning a new word a day through Merriam-Webster Word of the Day Today’s word is blatherskite, which means nonsense or a person who is prone to speaking nonsense. I bet you can easily use blatherskite in a sentence.

Mostly, I write to communicate, to solve problems, to inform or train. Words are the tools of my trade. Whether I’m blogging, speaking, recording video, or simply writing to clear my head or tap into my subconscious, I’m following my passion. Sometimes, I branch out and try my hand at poetry or fiction. Neither is my best genre, but I enjoy the challenge of both. My failed attempts make me appreciate the masters.

While I’m most passionate about writing, I’m also passionate (although slightly less so) about hiking, good conversation, reading mysteries, and going to the movies.

Here’s the point:

Following our passions—for at least a portion of each day, feeds the soul and gives life value and meaning.  The more time you can spend, doing what you love the better.  Obviously, we can’t spend every waking minute only doing what we love. There’s always going to be laundry, dishes, housework, and other demands brought on by those in our care and the people we love. However, in planning our days, it makes sense to schedule at least an hour or two doing those things we absolutely love doing whether we’re paid or not.

Paid or not, I write for at least an hour every day. I hike at least three times a week. Now, that I’ve contained my Netflix addiction, I spend some time each evening reading or going out to a movie. I rarely pass up the opportunity to spend time with or talking to friends.

Here’s your homework:

  1. Make a list of all the things you love to do.
  2. Prioritize the list.
  3. Take out your phone or day planner.
  4. Add one thing each day (that you’re passionate about) from your list.
  5. Make a conscious effort to expand the time you spend pursuing your various passions.

Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you. — Oprah Winfrey

 

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach.  You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.