JanFishler

Author ~ Writing Coach

The Importance of Self-Care for Women

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The Importance of Self-Care for Women

Take a dip in the pool at the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat

In July, my good friend turned seventy. Celebrating this milestone was important to her so to commemorate this auspicious occasion, we (four of her girlfriends) took her to Reno for a spa day and night out at the Peppermill Hotel and Casino. It was the perfect day: Massage, pedicure, steam, sauna, hot tub and pool followed by a fabulous meal. We spent the night in a room with a view and before heading home we stopped to do for some shopping. Cindy Lauper was right, “Girls just wanna have fun!” And we did.

More than just fun, for me, the getaway was a reminder about the importance of self-care. Many women are so busy taking care of and orchestrating for others that we often forget to make time to take care of ourselves. Women often put ourselves at the bottom of the to do list.

Of course, there are exceptions. We all know women who are always on the go, doing something extraordinary, and putting themselves first. It’s easy to envy them, but perhaps it would be better to consider them role models. While we’re silently supporting, taking care of, and nurturing our children, spouses, partners, friends, and co-workers—many times without being acknowledged for our effort—they’re taking care of themselves.

Some of us care for others willingly. Others do it with resentment. And then there are those of us who don’t even realize that we’ve given up the parts of ourselves that make us shine. The truth: Regardless of our circumstances, it’s our responsibility to speak out, step up, and take care of ourselves.

But how?

I’d like to suggest that those of us who have stood in the shadows make a conscious decision right now to step towards the light. It might mean taking baby steps. It’s going to be different for each of us. And it means changing our habits and taking action.

Take Action

Maybe you need to sign up for the art class at the local community college. Perhaps it’s time you get the raise you deserve or look for a better job. Or stop complaining about the extra 10 or 20 pounds you want to lose and start going to Weight Watchers or stop eating sugar. Do you need to tell your adult kid that it’s time to move on and out? Would you benefit from fifteen minutes of morning meditation? Is it time to write that book you’ve been thinking about? How about making every Saturday or Sunday your special day—a day you decide how it’s going to be.

Another option is to sign up for a workshop or retreat. Workshops and retreats are an opportunity to change your routine and experience something new and different in the company of like-minded people.

A couple of years ago, I decided that I would get out of town every other month. That year I took weekend workshops in Sacramento, Santa Cruz, San Francisco, and Phoenix. Not only did I change the scenery, but I made new friends, learned something new, had a lot of fun, and became motivated to take action to host my own events.

Upcoming retreat

In fact,  I’m currently co-hosting a retreat for women with Beth Nelson, yoga instructor and Life Purpose Clarity Coach, who I met during one of these events!

Realizing the importance of self-care, the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat that Beth and I are co-hosting is in a beautiful, calm location (Land of Medicine Buddha in Soquel CA) and is especially for mid-life women who want to rest, reflect, and reset. It’s an opportunity to walk  through nature, experience guided meditation, journal, enjoy delicious vegetarian meals, and take a sauna or a dip in the pool.

Most of all, it’s a chance for women to spend the weekend of October 25-27, 2019 loving and nurturing themselves in a supportive and beautiful environment.

For many, the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat will be the catalyst for deep and lasting change.  If self-care is on your agenda, we hope you’ll join us.

 

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach.  You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I LOST MY KEYS – AGAIN!

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Dirty Alice on left

I LOST MY KEYS – AGAIN!

Last Thursday, I took Alice and Toby, the Golden Retrievers who are in my care (that’s another story), on a walk at the Gracie Ditch, a shaded path bordered on one side by the water district canal. For Goldens and Labs the place is dog heaven. Alice loves getting wet and then rolling in the dirt. She is one dirty girl!  We go on this three to five mile walk at least four times a week.

Here’s the routine. I have coffee, feed the dogs their breakfast, put on my boots, grab my pack, and by 7:30 we’re out the door. The dogs race to the car and jump in. Ten minutes later, we’re on the trail. Sometimes we meet up with friends and other times we go it alone. With all the in and out of the water and stopping to chat along the way, the walk takes about two hours.

Last Thursday it was just the three of us. We got back home around 9:30. The dogs were filthy, so I let them in to the back yard to dry off and I went around to the front to take off my boots and hang my pack and keys on a hook.

It’s a routine—something I do without thinking.

That afternoon I went to a movie with my friend Jane.  She drove so I didn’t take my keys—at least I don’t think I did. In case you’re wondering, the front door has a keypad, so no key required.   I didn’t need my car again until Friday morning. I was dressed and ready to go to the gym and I couldn’t find my keys.

Of course, I could take the spare, but that’s not the point. Certain the keys were on the hook, I couldn’t believe they were missing. Instead of going to the gym, I decided I’d tear the house apart until I found them. They have to be here. I drove the car home!

Because I’m essentially a minimalist, my house is NOT full of unnecessary stuff. Finding things should be fast and easy.

I searched my purse, my pack, the cloth grocery bags that hung on the hook, the couch, under the pillows, under the couch, the kitchen cupboards and drawers, the fridge and the freezer. Thinking that I might have dementia I even looked in the toaster oven! From there I searched my office. I moved my desk, file cabinets and bookshelves.  Both bathrooms and the bedroom were thoroughly searched. The bed was stripped and moved it to the other side of the room. Close hamper was thoroughly searched. I checked pockets. I emptied every drawer.

During my search I found five tennis balls and dust bunnies that were hiding under the bed but no keys.

Deja vu

Rewind twelve years. I returned from a business trip. Unpacked the car and the keys disappeared only to be found ten years later. While they were missing, I was certain a poltergeist lived in the house.  Turned out, they fell next to the car in leaves and duff and spent the next ten years right where I dropped them.  Oh no! Not again.

I went outside and searched the car—the glove box, under the seats, the trunk. I hunted around the car. And, I searched the garage. Nada. Nothing.

Alice!

If it’s nailed down, Alice will steal it. She loves playing “you can’t catch me.” It occurred to me that perhaps I’d left the keys on the bench where I take off my boots and that Alice grabbed them when I wasn’t looking, took them outside and dropped them somewhere in the back yard. I spent the next several hours combing half an acre to no avail. Still no keys.

I had two “psychic” friends come over and help me look. Still nothing. Sigh. I burned sage. I talked to my subconscious….where are my damn keys?

I gave up. I let it go.

I’m a firm believer that when annoying, frustrating, or bad things happen there’s a lesson to be learned.

What did I learn?

It wouldn’t hurt to be a bit more mindful—especially when it comes to routines and those things I do on auto pilot.

Although it’s very tempting to blame Alice. She’s looking very guilty.

 

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach.  You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

 

 

 

 

Your Invitation to the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat

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Beth Nelson and Cassie with Jan Fishler, Alice and Toby

Your Invitation to the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat

Several months ago, my friend Beth and I went to a three-day women’s workshop in Santa Cruz. It was held at a large venue on the Boardwalk. About 500 women attended. While some women enjoy large crowds, I thought the event, which had grown exponentially over the past years, was just too big. Instead of being an opportunity to network and connect, it felt impersonal.

Beth and I cut out a day early and spent the remainder of the day hiking at the Land of Medicine Buddha. Amidst the redwood trees and beauty of nature, Beth and I talked about the kind of retreat we would have liked to attend.

A few years back, Beth left her corporate job as a Program Manager to become a yoga instructor, meditation teach, and founder of Ignited Women. Her business helps midlife women find clarity and renewed purpose. My recent book, Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life,  targets the same demographic, so we always have a lot to talk about.

The Perfect Weekend

We walked and talked and visualized our perfect weekend… Small and intimate for sure. No more than 12-15 women. In a beautiful, inspiring location, somewhere in nature. With walking trails. And good, organic food. A pool and sauna. Comfortable accommodations. Not too expensive. Yoga and meditation. Writing or journaling with an art project. Time to talk and connect, really get to know other women. Massage. Free time to rest and unwind.

By the time we got back to the car, it was decided. We would host a weekend retreat for mid-life women. We just needed to find the right venue. After a week of researching venues in the Santa Cruz area, we came  full circle. Nothing was as good as the Land of Medicine Buddha. Sigh. Sometimes it takes time to see the obvious!

About Team Beth and Jan

Beth and I are a unique team. She’s 55 with long, auburn hair. I just turned 70 and have a short, white bob. We met about a year ago at a business development event and realized that we had a lot in common. She teaches yoga. I love doing yoga. She teaches meditation. I meditate. Her target market is mid-life women. I love talking to groups of women who are 50+ about making the most of the rest of your life. Beth is a triathlete. I’m a gym rat. In other words, we both like to move. And, we both love dogs!

Last week, Beth and I developed the detailed schedule for the weekend, which includes: Walking the 8 Verses path, contemplation, free time to use the pool and sauna, delicious vegetarian meals guided visualization, meditation, yoga and Qigong as well as writing  to tap into the deep unconscious. There’s also free time for those who want to sign up for a massage. You can see the complete schedule HERE.

Most importantly, Beth is thoughtful, sincere, fully committed to her life’s work and dedicated to supporting women on their journey. I’m all that with a slightly irreverent twist. We’re both seekers—committed to making the second half of life as good as it can possibly be. That includes our commitment to making the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat as good as it can possibly get.

Take Action and Join Us

If spending the weekend at the Land of Medicine Buddha calls to you, then register HERE.

Want to know more? Check out the video of Beth and I talking about the retreat.

 

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach.  You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

Weeding the Garden, Cleaning My Office, and Finding Inspiration from Marie Kondo

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Weeding the Garden, Cleaning My Office, and Finding Inspiration from Marie Kondo

Let me begin by saying that I’m not a gardener. That job belongs to my husband who spends as much time as possible in the yard. But gardens and weeds are a great metaphor for the junk we all collect. I know, it’s never anyone’s intention to end up with a drawer or basket full of useless stuff. It just happens over time. For example, here’s what’s in the drawer that’s closest to my computer desk: Pens, pencils, crayons, paperclips, power cords, thumb drives, sticky notes, pennies, nickels, dimes, gum, gum wrappers, hard candy, hard candy wrappers, old check books and check registers, glitter, double-sided sticky tape, extra headsets, stamps, CDs, and product warranties. I even found a dried-up bottle of white out!

Why am I bringing this up?

This past summer, inspired by Marie Kondo, I decided to go through every cabinet and closet in my house and weed out the non-essentials—everything that doesn’t “spark joy” or have a use. Fortunately, my house isn’t that big and I’m not much of a collector, but the process has been enlightening because it’s brought up interesting and unexpected feelings.

My mother, who was a child during the depression, saved everything. We even reused paper napkins! After she died, I tossed out hundreds of plastic cottage cheese containers, forks, knives, and spoons and an equal number of those aluminum containers from TV dinners. For me, throwing those things away was liberating, but I also felt guilty. My logical mind and my subconscious programming were in conflict. Truth be told, if she weren’t already dead, seeing me toss all those useful items would have killed my mother!

Meanwhile, back at the current ranch…some drawers, cupboards and closets were easier to deal with than others. Getting rid of clothes from my bedroom closet was a piece of cake. I recruited my fashionista friend to help me. If it didn’t fit, was out of date, or just plain ugly, it went to the Goodwill pile. Cleaning out the fridge was a no-brainer—anything out of date went into the compost bin or the trash. Kitchen cabinets were also simple. I pulled everything out—dishes, pots and pans, and glasses—and separated items into keep and items to donate. The donate pile disappeared that day. The medicine chest, which only stocked cold meds and cough syrup, was also easy.

My office was the real challenge.

Do I really need my grandfather’s gold letter opener (yes), or the orange stapler my friend gave me when I started my own business in 1984 (absolutely), or 5 headsets (maybe)? What about the envelop full of old stamps (they’re worth something) or the miscellaneous power cords (I might need them)? What about all those books!

How long do I need to keep tax records? What about the floppy discs from the Mac computer I bought 34 years ago? No, I don’t still have the computer. And what about the file cabinets full of drafts, client projects, and medical and shot records for kids that are now adults?

Amidst confusion and despair, with the insight of a Buddhist Monk, the solution arrived. I packed everything I couldn’t part with and anything I thought I should keep into a three 4-drawer, ugly, beige, metal file cabinets and squeezed them into the corner of the garage. Out of sight for now but there just in case.

Marie Kondo would most definitely approve of my office. However, the weeds growing in the file cabinet and the rest of the garage…well, that’s another story.

So, what did I learn?

When it comes to clearing out personal and household items, I’m a pro. When it comes to business, I decided to error on the side of caution. Don’t get me wrong, I fully intend to eventually (one rainy day far into the future when I’m the last woman on earth) go through those file cabinets.

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach. You can learn more about her at janfishler.net and dontstopnow.us.

 

 

 

 

 

Writing & the Self-Publishing Life

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Don't Stop Book

Don’t Stop Now is Available on Amazon

The Writing & Self-Publishing Life

Writing a book is rewarding. I love the time spent alone coming up with the idea, creating an outline, and letting the content flow. During my morning meditation, I enjoy imaging the finished product–the color of the cover, the type face, the back cover copy, who will be reading it, and how they will feel afterwards. What I love most is seeing the finished product.  I also love the idea of being an Indie author, figuring out the self-publishing process and knowing that the fate of my book is entirely in my hands.

Being an independent author is an enormous challenge.

There is so much information available on how to self-publish your book that it’s easy to become overwhelmed and do nothing. How do I know this?  When I self-published my first book, Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (An Adoption Memoir) in 2010., I read everything about self-publishing that I could get my hands on. As a result, I drove myself crazy thinking I had to do it all.

Choose marketing options that suite your personality

What I didn’t realize was the importance of choosing marketing options that suite your personality. For example, if you don’t like public speaking, don’t do it. No, you don’t have to have a presence on all social media or any for that matter.  Blogging isn’t for everyone and neither is becoming an Amazon bestselling author, or running a contest, or starting a podcast.

Going the Indie route also isn’t for everyone. It requires creativity and an entrepreneurial spirit, or the funds to hire professionals who can do it for you.  A word of caution: be sure to carefully research options and find a reputable publishing company (more about that in another post).

Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life 

I’ve spent the past year co-authoring a book, Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life. It’s for women 50+ who want to see how far they’ve come and determine where else they want to go. It’s finished and uploaded to Amazon.  My co-author, Elle Gianforte,  and I decided to independently publish the book. Why?  We have all the skills required to get the word out to our target marketing. And, we’ve  gotten really clear about what we are willing to do to publish the book. And, it’s not all that complicated.

Here’s our plan:

PRIOR TO PUBLICATION:

  1. Create a great website: www.dontstopnow.us  Done!
  2. Create a DontStopNow Facebook page. Done!
  3. Write and post several blogs on topics related to our book. Invite guest bloggers. Done!
  4. Order ISBN number and Bar Code: Done!
  5. Hire a professional book designer: Patty Arnold, Menagerie Design and Publishing. Done!
  6. Hire a professional proof reader (There is no way you can do this yourself): Kit Bailey.Done!
  7. Find a company offering Print On Demand. We worked with Create Space. Done!
  8. Upload book to Amazon. Done!
  9. Revise Author Page. Done!
  10. Go back to book designer and get a Kindle version of the book. Almost done!
  11. Pick a date for a book launch: October 21 — coming soon!

AFTER PUBLICATION

  1. Host a publication launch party — with wine, food, and a discount price on books.
  2. Use Facebook, personal email, and handouts to invite local people to the party.
  3. After the party, send emails to everyone we know with a link to buy the book.
  4. Send follow-up emails to anyone who buys the book asking for a review.
  5. Send a press release to our local newspaper.
  6. Offer to speak at meetings and events where we can sell books.
  7. Promote the book to appropriate podcasters and radio producers.
  8. Contact independent book stores in surrounding areas.
  9. Beginning in January 2019, host a monthly Zoom call on topics covered in the book.
  10. Conduct 3 month, 6 month, and 9 month reviews and adjust our marketing strategy as needed.

Tip:

If you have a book inside you — stop talking about it and  just write it! If you’ve written a book and have the desire to publish it independently, stick with marketing strategies that you’ll enjoy.

 

Jan Fishler, MA, is the co-author of a new book, Don’t Stop Now, Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life (DontStopNow.us). She is also the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (An Adoption Memoir), and has written several articles about alternative health and PTSD. You can learn more about Jan at www.JanFishler.net.

Onward and Upward

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The last 12 months disappeared. One day I was working on a book and the next day my volunteer efforts at a local public access television station turned into a full-time gig without compensation. Call me crazy, but it took me 9 months to come to my senses, i.e. realize that my good deeds were futile and it was time to walk away from what started as a desire to make a contribution, and became a thankless series of tasks. I thought I could save the day with my 25-years of experience as a writer/producer but the hole was deep and money was scarce.

As a good friend of mine always says when times are tough, “Onward and upward, then.” My first thought was to get back to my blog. Imagine my surprise when my site was gone. Apparently, I’d miss the deadline (by several months) to renew my domain. In spite of wanting to scream, I convinced myself to not panic. In a flashback, I recalled the system bomb that made a book disappear back in 1984. I was working on my first computer and didn’t know about backing up. Boy, did I learn that lesson in a hurry. That time I did panic, but I also learned that rewriting is faster and often better than a previous draft. At least that’s what I told myself to keep from slashing my wrists. Then, just in case all was lost, I convinced myself that maybe it was time for me to do something else like become a professional chef or a dog walker–something that had nothing to do with technology.

This time, because I’m older (ugh) and wiser (at least about some things), I called my friend Evelyn who built my previous site. As luck would have it, she had a backup from last March so I didn’t have to reinvent the wheel. I purchased a new domain (my old one would cost me $300 dollars — highway robbery but that’s another story) and I’m now .net rather than .com. Evelyn installed a new theme, which is still being tweaked (is a website ever done?) Most importantly, I have visions of completing a book I was writing “before my venture down the public access rabbit hole” and of showing other writers and content experts how to get their ideas on to the page.

Today’s Writing Tip: (Don’t volunteer — Write your book)

When Life Gets In the Way of Work: Getting Back on the Horse

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When Life Gets In the Way of Work: Getting Back on the Horse

I had a lot of momentum going in the beginning of 2015. I was close to finishing the book I’d been working on for the past two years; I was building my platform as a writer through regular blogs, tweets, and Facebook posts; and I was actually doing a better-than-average job promoting (and selling) Flex Your Writing Muscle. In addition, I was getting a lot of positive feedback from the bi-monthly “Healthy Options” column in our local paper. It seemed like I was on track and on a role professionally, and I was happily settling into the rhythm of success.

On January 31, I had an experience that ultimately led me down an unexpected path—a path that I am still processing. In preparation for a “Healthy Options” article, I interviewed an equine therapist. I wouldn’t describe myself as a horse person, but I did take horseback riding in college and I never turned down an opportunity to ride. I was also looking forward to learning more about this “horse whisperer”—something I wasn’t convinced existed. Sitting bareback on a medicine horse was an intriguing opportunity, but I didn’t have the slightest notion how that day would turn my world upside-down. [Read more…] about When Life Gets In the Way of Work: Getting Back on the Horse

New Book to Launch — Tomorrow?

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Flex_Cover5X8 (1)1Last year I posted a writing prompt for each day. Last month I decided to collect and improve upon the prompts and turn them into a book–Flex Your Writing Muscle. My son, Nick, took the cover photo and my friend Ellen Baxter designed the cover, which I posted on Facebook. Lesley Schneider proofed the interior copy and I should have had her proof the cover, because an old friend–someone I haven’t seen in YEARS– found a typo. So, I’m uploading to Create Space again and I should have a book before the week is out.

What’s Up for 2015

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Last year I posted a writing prompt for each day. I hope you enjoyed receiving them and that they helped you write. In fact, if the prompts helped you, please let me know. For many people prompts are a great way to jump-start the brain and get the creative juices flowing.

This year, I have some new things in store and I’m really excited to share them with you. In fact, my goal for 2015 is to help YOU write anything quickly and painlessly or, I can always do it for you.

In January and February I’m teaching a Yes! You Can Write a Screenplay  workshop at NCTV. Learn about format, story, characters, beats, scenes, locations, dialogue and more! The 6-week class is offered every Tuesday evening from 6:00-8:00p.m. beginning Tuesday January 20, ending February 24. I’ll also be teaching a weekend intensive on February 21 and 22. Call NCTV at 272-8862 to reserve your seat.

In March I’ll be teaching a Write Your Story Workshop. Check the home page.

If you’re a writer who is looking for accountability, inspiration, feedback and more, be sure to check out the Just Write It! Meetup. We meet at Summer Thyme’s in Grass Valley from 5:00-6:30 p.m. once a month (We’ve moved to the 3rd Thursday beginning in February, 2015).

I’m also going to have a bi-monthly column in The Union newspaper on alternative health options. The column will be published the first and third Tuesdays of each month on page A3 beginning January 6, 2015.  Be sure to check it out. If you know any good, local alternative practitioners, please send them my way!

Here’s to the best writing year ever!!

Be happy. Be well. And write!

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Do you procrastinate? Do you keep putting that important writing project on the back burner even though it could cost you your job? Would you like to finally eliminate the major obstacle that prevents most writers from getting their thoughts on the page quickly and painlessly? Subscribe to my Newsletter (upper right corner) and the solution will be delivered directly to your inbox.