Jan Fishler

Author and Happiness Coach

Janfishler

Falling off the Blogging Wagon – Writing Fiction

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Falling off the Blogging Wagon – Writing Fiction

Since the beginning of the New Year, I’ve fallen off the blogging wagon. It’s not like I haven’t been writing though, I just haven’t been keeping up with my blog. This morning I woke up at 5:30, and decided it was time to get back into my morning blogging routine, so now, here I sit with my cup of Chai Masala Organic Tulsi tea from India waiting for my muse. How, when I had so much blogging momentum going, did I manage to lose my way?

The trip to Arizona did it. In early February my daughter, who had been struggling with Lyme Disease for the past eight years, called to tell me she was going downhill fast, and I needed to help her find something that would work. By the end of the month, we were in Scottsdale where she started treatment. (Check out www.SundridgeMedical.com). We were there for a month, returning at the end of March, and today her health continues to improve. In fact, she’s going back to school in a couple of weeks and is looking forward to getting her cosmetology license and working in her field. After so many years of being sick, it is such a relief to see her firmly planted on the road to health.

While the outcome of the trip was successful, the change in my routine derailed me. Instead of writing each morning, my daughter and I would put on bathing suits and trot across the road for a hot tub and swim—what a wonderful way to start the day! Because I’m someone who is also in the habit of blogging in the morning, within days, I was adrift. And I’ve been drifting ever since—catching up on bills, organizing taxes, weeding out my closets, planting a spring garden, seeing friends, and writing fiction.

Since completing my memoir, I’ve wanted to write a fictionalized account of my birth mother, Jane, who I never met. I even followed 74 days of writing prompts and blogged about the book I was going to write (see the posts at www.searchingforjane.com). While the prompts didn’t get me to write the book, they did get me to think about it. I picked my characters, outlined a plot, wrote some dialogue and even cranked out a couple of scenes, but I wasn’t serious. About a month ago, I joined a fiction writing group. We meet every other Monday evening and I’m taking the commitment seriously. The members of the group are published authors and I couldn’t ask for better company. Because I feel privileged to be part of this group and have tremendous respect for their feedback, I am motivated to show up with my five pages. It turns out that accountability motivates me.

Having a writing routine does the same thing. It keeps me on track, and forces me to be accountable—even if it’s only to myself. Starting today, I’ve made a commitment to write every morning. I’ll blog at least two mornings a week and spend the other mornings writing scenes for my novel. I know this is only day one, but It feels really good to be back on the wagon.

Unexpected Twists and Turns

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Lyme Disease Treatment

Life. That’s  what happens when you’re making other plans. I was just about to start marketing Write Your Story Workshops when my twenty-four year old daughter called telling me she was feeling bad– again. For the past 8 years she has been dealing with Lyme disease.  Aware that she was bitten by a tick while on a camping trip, she didn’t think much of it and neither did I.

Shortly before her trip she had been in bed with mono so when she never really recovered from the fatigue, the doctor at UC Medical Center in San Francisco, where we went for a consult, said it was simply the Epstein Barr virus.  After a well-intended lecture on the bell shaped curve, the doctor bid us farewell.

My daughter never started feeling better.  Obviously, it wasn’t just the bell shaped curve! Thus began the quest to diagnose an overwhelming number of ailments from stomach pain and depression to joint pain, excessive weight gain and crippling fatigue.  Something was dreadfully wrong, but none of the doctors we saw had an answer—and we saw a number of doctors. One even suggested she take ADD medicine for energy!

Somehow, my daughter persevered. She finished her general education requirements at a community college and went on to enroll as a pre-med student at a 4-year college. Midway through the semester she called and told me she felt like she was dying and I needed to find a doctor who could help her.  In 2009, five years after the tick bite, she received a diagnosis:  Lyme Disease. And thus began a quest for wellness that on two occasions nearly killed her.

Most recently, our journey has taken us to Arizona, where we have finally found a clinic that knows what they’re doing. After  IV antibiotics, hosts of supplements, homeopathics, Rife Machines, and Infrared saunas, mediation, diet plans and everything else under the sun,  It looks like my daughter will finally get her life back.

We’re staying with friends and internet is sketchy at best, which is why I haven’t been able to post on a more regular basis.  Things should be back to normal by April 1—no foolin’.

 

 

 

 

The Power of Affirmations

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The Power of Affirmations

Affirmations — present tense, positive, personal and specific statements — are one of many tools that can help writers accomplish their goals. Over the years, I’ve collected an arsenal of tools and techniques for getting out of my critical left brain and moving over to the holistic and creative right side where ideas flow, unobstructed. Affirmations are one of the easiest tools to use. I write mine on brightly colored sticky notes posted around my computer. Before I write, if I feel like I need a jump-start, I repeat them to myself. Over the years, I’ve added to my list.

For the past two Sundays I’ve held Write YOUR Story Workshops in the town where I live. In addition to sharing my memoir writing techniques with other writers — both new and experienced — the best part of the workshop for me is the end, where people share what they’ve written. I am consistently amazed at the quality of the writing — especially from those who say they haven’t written before. I attribute this to the “free yourself to write” content that is presented during the  first half of the workshop. Affirmations are one my of my favorite tools. During the workshops, I share some of my own, but I’ve been collecting others from recent workshop participants and thought I’d share them with you.

If you want to benefit from affirmations, pick a few that might enhance your writing experience or write your own. Then, repeat or write them several times throughout the day.The theory is that your brain believes and accepts positive statements as the truth.

These 12 affirmations will get you started.

  1. I am an excellent writer.
  2. Words flow from me like water.
  3. I enjoy writing.
  4. I can write any place, any time.
  5. I am paid well for my words.
  6. I write prolifically.
  7. My subconscious mind knows exactly what needs to be written.
  8. People enjoy reading my writing.
  9. I have something to say and others want to hear it.
  10. I move people with my words.
  11. If I can think it, I can write it.
  12. I connecting unexpected things with writing.

If you want to learn more about how and why affirmations work.  Check out the following resources:

  • Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
  • Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret (also a 2006 film)
  • You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
  • Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain (This book is a classic!)

Whatever you do….Speak your truth, and write your story!

Motivation is an Inside Job

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Motivation is an Inside Job

Since coming back from vacation, I’ve been struggling with motivation. I’ve been self-employed most of my working life, and staying motivated and getting the job done has always been easy for me. This lack of motivation is new. What worked in the past—creating a master plan, breaking it down into actions, assigning tasks for each day, and just doing it—hasn’t been working. For some reason, it just isn’t happening. I’m hoping that writing about it, can help me figure it out. I’m pretty sure it has to do with my less than stellar marketing efforts.

My business coach has told me numerous times that motivation is an inside job. So, I’ve been looking inside and out to see if I can discover what it is that is thwarting my progress. I went back and reviewed my master plan. My plan was and still is to develop and disseminate workshops that will show people how to write their story (memoir) five minutes at a time. And, I’m doing that. In fact I have a workshop this weekend and another the following weekend. I understand how to reach my local market, but unfortunately, the beautiful place where I live doesn’t have a large enough population to sustain my business.

When I developed the master plan, I initially and erroneously thought I would contact friends around the country and have them “host” a workshop in their living rooms. I’d provide the marketing collateral, send a press release to the local newspaper, and they would hang flyers. However, my attempts to do this in Atlanta, Denver, and Arizona—places where very good friends of mine live—failed. My friends aren’t marketing or sales people and what I was proposing was daunting to them. Realizing this approach wasn’t going to work, occurred shortly before we left on vacation.

Now, I’m on to Plan B—extending my reach to new markets. Instead of following the steps that have worked in the past—break it down into actions, assign tasks for each day, and just do it—I’ve been doing everything else. My house is clean, my laundry is done, and I’ve cooked ahead for the week. I’ve called friends I haven’t talked to in years, met others for tea or lunch, have finished reading several books and I’m in the middle of a few new ones. In other words the marketing I have to do has stopped me dead in my tracks.

So, why is this happening?  Realizing I won’t be teaching my workshop in living rooms across America is part of it, but when I look inside, it seems like it also has to do with some deeply rooted irrational fear of failure coupled with the delusion that “if you build it they will come.” Before people can come, they need to know “it” exists!  In spite of all the work I’ve done to heal and integrate my issues, my wounded inner child, who is driven by fear, is still trying to sabotage my efforts.

In writing this, I’m giving her the attention she craves, feeling her pain, and having compassion for her plight. Writing about this helps me understand what has been going on, and I’m already feeling the fog begin to lift, and my old motivated self re-enter the scene. Once again, my business coach is right—motivation is an inside job.

Writing Prompt: Write About Your Best or Worst Vacation

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La Manzanilla Mexico

My husband and I just returned from a week in La Manzanilla Mexico, a sleepy little village on the Pacific Coast with great beaches, friendly locals, and delicious cuisine. Although this was definitely not our best vacation, and it was far from being the worst, going there was bitter sweet. The initial plan was to join my friend and her husband, and stay at their palapa. Unfortunately, my friend’s husband had to undergo emergency surgery in December, which was followed by complications, and the day we were scheduled to leave, he was still in the hospital. Of course, a day before our departure, my husband came down with the worst cough and cold he had ever had, but he was determined to not let his health further damper our plans. “Are you sure you don’t have the flu?” I asked, thinking this is how epidemics are started. “No, it’s just a cold,” he assured me. I was not convinced. I thought perhaps we were about to embark on our worst vacation ever.

Armed with an arsenal of cough drops, Sudafed, and Kleenex, the next morning, at the ungodly hour of 3:00 a.m., we headed to the airport leaving plenty of time to park the car and catch our 6:00 a.m. flight. For me, the worst part of travel is figuring out how to navigate in a new city, especially when I don’t speak the language well or understand most of what is being said. Although I took four years of Spanish in college, my command of the language is, well, dreadful. In spite of her husband’s poor health, my friend anticipated my trepidation. Her good friend, Julie, met us as soon as we went through customs. She drove us from the Manzanillo airport, gave us a quick tour of La Manzanilla, pointed out the best places to get coffee, delicious meals, and supplies, and deposited us at the front of the palapa.

At this point my husband’s cold hit a crescendo, but he dragged himself down the hill a block so we could eat dinner before he collapsed on the couch. In the morning, in spite of having a runny nose and a cough that sounded like a barking dog, he was feeling good enough to go out and get some coffee and walk through town. And so, our week of tourism began.

Here are the highlights of not the best or worst vacation ever, but definitely a very good one:   very comfortable accommodations and a wonderful view of the ocean—especially at sunset, delicious coffee at two great locations, wonderful tacos everywhere, fresh fish, fantastic beaches, warm water with perfect waves, a Friday market, an art walk, very friendly locals who seemed to understand my Spanish or more likely, my pointing, an abundance of colorful shops and houses, and some amazing views of the town.

Now for the good news: The day we got back, my friend’s husband came home from the hospital and he is slowly improving.

Writing Prompt: Write About Resistance

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 Writing Prompt: Write About Resistance

According to some online dictionaries, resistance is, “The act of opposing or withstanding;”  “A force that tends to oppose or retard motion;” “The refusal to accept or comply with something.” What do you resist? What would your life be like if you embraced it instead? Write about resistance and see what comes up for you.

The other morning I wrote one of my many to-do lists and saw that a few of the items are repeats from previous lists. I’m resisting certain activities, and most of them have to do with marketing my services. For example, I haven’t hung posters or sent the press release about an upcoming workshop. I haven’t contacted the activity directors at the 55+ communities in my area about teaching memoir-writing. Although I did manage to compile an impressive list of contacts at cruise Lines, I have resisted making the calls. I’m not sure what this resistance is all about, but I suspect it’s fear of something–success,  failure, or most likely, rejection. As an adoptee whose core issue is abandonment, it would make sense that fear of rejection is the culprit. Logically, this is ridiculous. Marketing is nothing more than letting people know about my services and seeing if there’s a match.

Resistance is a form of self-sabotage, a destructive and negative pattern that prevents us from doing what we want and having what we need.  I think the trick to eliminating resistance to certain tasks is to pick one or two and simply focus on them until they are accomplished, without giving too much thought to the outcome, without over-thinking it. For instance, today, I will pick up the phone and call one activity director and one cruise ship and see what I can discover about their needs. There. It’s done.

But in some cases resistance is more insidious.

When I think about resistance, I realize it’s been a thread throughout my life. Why else would I hold on to the last 10 pounds, people who no longer serve me, or thoughts and beliefs that no longer work? What would my life be like if I embraced the things I tend to resist? If I avoided the foods that give me the extra padding?  If I spent less time with people who hold me back and more time with individuals who are getting things done? If I shooed away negative thoughts?

If I answer these questions honestly, I arrive at an interesting picture. If I didn’t resist losing the last 10 pounds, my clothes would fit better and I would feel better too. If I didn’t resist calling activity directors, I’d probably have seminars and workshops scheduled for spring and summer. If I didn’t resist calling cruise ships, I’d have my audition behind me, and travel to various port cities in my immediate future. In other words, I’d have what I want.

I’ll save why I get into self-sabotage for another prompt.  For me, this one has been insightful enough. Writing is an excellent  way to notice and make sense of situations that I tend to ignore. What does writing do for you?

Writing Prompt: Write About Something That Annoys You

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Writing prompts can be an ideal way to jump-start the 5-minute writing process, which is why I’m going to provide one each time I post. Today’s prompt is: write about something that annoys you. Sometimes the things that bug us can eventually be the source of humor. When you can’t see the humor in the situation or you can’t yet make sense of it, writing is an excellent way to process our feelings.

Dance Class Bullies

For me the issue is the women at my aerobic dance class who believe they are entitled to a certain spot on the floor.  These dance class bullies arrive late, and instead of taking a place that is available, usually in the back of the room, they go exactly where they want to be–regardless of who is standing there. Because most of the women are too nice to stand their ground, they defer. I’ve been watching this for years, and thought I was prepared to handle the situation– stand my ground and not succumb if it ever happened to me.  I’d even mentally rehearsed a sassy comeback, “Oh, I didn’t realize you could reserve a spot on the floor! Do you pay extra for that?”

Last week I had an opportunity to put my plan into action. Generally, I arrive a few minutes before class begins and although I prefer to stand in the second row, just left of center, I’m flexible.  On this particular day, I arrived early enough to grab my most coveted place. While waiting for the class to begin I did a few stretches, smiled at a few of the regulars–women I’ve been dancing with off and on for the past 10 years–and waited for the music to begin. A few moments into the first song, I felt cold hands on my shoulders and heard a voice whisper in my ear, “Chris isn’t here today. Move up so I can stand in your spot.” At the same time, this woman gave me a little shove toward the empty place. My response was visceral. As the fight or flight response kicked in, adrenalin began to flow. Who are you to tell me what to do you little bitch? How dare you!  My rebellious teenage self kicked in, but she wasn’t able to talk. Instead, she moved to the other side of the room where she fumed through the entire workout.

Halfway through the class the bitch apologized.  But the reality is, she got my spot. I too had become a victim of a dance class bully.  All the preparation in the world didn’t save me.  What’s worse, I’ve avoided standing near this woman ever since. Because I believe that experiences like this–that trigger our emotions–are messages in disguise, I’ve been searching for the lesson here. The truth is, I’m still working on it. The situation caught me by surprise and trigger a negative response. By pushing me and telling me what to do, the dance class bully treated me like a child. Emotionally, I reacted like, but fortunately, I was able to contain myself and not say anything I would later regret. I think I got the message, but I’ll know for sure when I can stand by the bully and not let her presence annoy me.

What annoys you?  If you follow this writing prompt, I invite you to post it in the comment section.

 

Eliminate the Judge

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Guided Imagery is a powerful technique that is used to enhance health, performance, and creativity. It is also used to help people reframe and overcome difficult or negative experiences. The effectiveness of this guided imagery has been well documented. Research shows that as little as 10 minutes of imagery can “can reduce blood pressure, lower cholesterol and glucose levels in the blood, and heighten short- term immune cell activity. It can considerably reduce blood loss during surgery and morphine use after it. It lessens headaches and pain. It can increase skill at skiing, skating, tennis, writing, acting and singing; it accelerates weight loss and reduces anxiety; and it has been shown, again and again, to reduce the aversive effects of chemotherapy, especially nausea, depression and fatigue.”

For those of us who are still tormented by judgments that were dumped on us as children, guided imagery can be a useful tool for exercising those demons.  To listen to a guided visualization that will help you eliminate judgment from your life.

Audio Player

My Blog Content: 100 Writing Tips & Prompts

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My Blog Content: 100 Writing Tips & Prompts

I finally got clear: from this point on, my blog content will focus on writing tips and prompts and anything else that will help new and experienced writers enjoy the process and stay on the path.

I spent the last part of 2012 launching my new business, doing everything people do to get started–from planning to developing a website, and everything in between. So far, my blog content  has meandered covering everything from SEO and getting organized to eBook publishing and social media planning. It occurred to me that it would benefit me and my readers if I had a focus that supported my work as an author, writing coach, and developer of the Write YOUR Story workshop.

My half day workshops are designed for people who think they can’t write, who don’t believe they have time to write, or don’t know how to begin, but who want to record a legacy, share an amazing experience, heal a painful memory, or write for fun and enjoyment.In addition to the workshop, what information could I provide that would be helpful and motivational?

Every time I asked myself this question, the answer was: writing tips and prompts. Tomorrow, I’m meeting with my graphic designer,  to finish up a pdf, “100 Writing Tips & Prompts To Keep You on the Writing Path,”  that will be my gift to blog subscribers. The tips and prompts come from my own experience and from classes and workshops I’ve attended as well as from such classics as The Elements of Style. All of the prompts are short and to the point.

Experienced writers might want to read through the entire list in one sitting and use the tips as a refresher. New or newer writers might want to spend a day or more on each tip, taking time to digest the information, perhaps even doing additional research on your own.

Regardless of whether you’re writing in a journal, posting to your blog, writing poems and short stories, or working on the great American novel, the idea is to enjoy the writing process as you improve your skills. After all, writing is a craft and, like anything, the more time you put in, the better you are likely to get.

I’ll say it again, from this point on, my blog content will focus on writing tips and prompts and anything else that will help new and experienced writers enjoy the process and stay on the path.