Jan Fishler

Author and Happiness Coach

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Goal Setting for Over Achievers

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Goal Setting for Over Achievers

I’ll admit it. In addition to being a recovering Netflix Addict, I’m also an over achiever. I often set unattainable goals and then become frustrated for not achieving them. Here are some of the goals I’ve not attained: Losing 10 pounds in a month, making 20 marketing phone calls a day, going to one live networking event a week, making X amount of dollars a year, walking the El Camino Santiago by 2017.

About a week ago, I decided to publish a blog post every day. This means, rain or shine, sickness or health, holidays and birthdays, I will share 600-800 words of wisdom. Today is Day 5. So far so good, right? Only 360 posts to go!

I am a writer and a writing coach, so this over achiever’s goal is not unreasonable is it?  During my writing workshops I always advise people to get into a writing habit. Pick a time that works for you and write for at least 15 minutes every day. My time is early morning. 5:30 a.m. to be exact. That’s exactly what I’m doing. Following my own advice.

What makes the daily post even more reasonable, I rationalize, is that I’ve done it before. One year I posted 365 writing prompts—one for each day, but they were short (less than 100 words), and I wrote them in a couple of weekends.

So, what’s the problem?

I don’t need to gaze into a crystal ball to see that I’ve set myself up for failure.

This morning is garbage day. The trucks come clanging down my street at 5:00 a.m. I’m wide awake. The first thing I think about is coffee. The second thing is what will I post about today? And, can I get it done before I walk the dogs at 7:45 and pack for a two-day spa day in honor of a friend’s “big” birthday. We’re leaving at 10:30 a.m. I’m pretty sure I’ll get the post written, but uploaded with a photo….

Then there’s tomorrow’s post? No, I’m not bringing my laptop to a getaway. That’s ridiculous.  Day 6 probably won’t have a post either.  Aghhhhh!!!

Let’s be honest here. Regardless of our goals and the best of intentions, life can and will get in the way. The flow gets interrupted and the next thing you know, the goal is on the back burner soon to be forgotten. At least that’s how it often goes for me. It’s why I never lose 10 pounds, or make those marketing calls, or go to those events, or make six figures!

What’s the solution?

This is when I take a 15-minute break to tap into my subconscious—meditate and ask for guidance…. And get a second cup of coffee.

Here’s what my wiser self suggests:

  1. Set more realistic goals. Regarding the blog posts, aim for 3-5 posts a week. Only post on weekdays. Spend the weekend reading and researching content for the next week and having fun. Aim for quality over quantity. Enjoy the process.
  2. Have a compelling why. Why am I doing this? Good question! I like to write. I like sharing information. To walk the talk. What kind of coach would I be if I wasn’t writing every day? To see what happens when you consistently post on Linkedin. Are these reasons compelling enough to keep it going? Time will tell.
  3. Practice self-awareness and compassion. What is most important at this point in my life? The truth: I want to enjoy whatever I’m doing and share what I can. Beating myself up for self-imposed deadlines is no longer an option.

So, faithful readers, because my primary goal is to enjoy life, I’m giving myself permission to miss Day 6. And, I’m forgiving myself for all the goals I’ve missed in the past. I hope my insight into goal setting for over achievers helps you too.

 

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach.  You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

 

 

 

 

 

Manage Your No Good, Very Bad Day with the Emotional Guidance Scale

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Manage Your No Good, Very Bad Day with the Emotional Guidance Scale

If you have children or spend time around them, you’ve probably read or at least heard of the book, “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.” Written in 1972 by Judith Vorst and illustrated by Ray Cruz, the first sentence on the back cover explains it all: “Alexander knew it was going to be a terrible day when he woke up with gum in his hair. And it got worse…”

As things get worse for the seven-year-old Alexander, his solution is moving to Australia. Why Australia? The reader never knows for sure, but it’s probably as far away from his problems as he can imagine. We’ve all been there, right?

It’s Always Something

There’s no getting around it. Life is full of glitches and issues. It’s part of the human condition. For those of you old enough to remember the early days of Saturday Night Live, you’ll also remember this quote by Gilda Radner’s character Roseannadanna, “If it’s not one thing, it’s another. It’s always something.”

Because problems are inevitable, wouldn’t it be great to find a simple and effective way to change our state of mind without having to move to Australia?

The Emotional Guidance Scale

Enter the Emotional Guidance Scale, which was developed (okay I’ll show my woo-woo… channeled by Abraham-Hicks) to help people move towards joy—a great place to land.  Unfortunately, for many people the state of joy can be illusive and even unobtainable.

The moment I saw the scale, something shifted inside of me. If you go to the bottom of this article, you’ll see an image of the scale that’s drawn as two spirals, the upward and the downward.

The upward spiral consists of the 7 best emotional states: joy, passion, enthusiasm, belief, optimism, hopefulness and contentment. The downward spiral contains 15 negative emotions. The worst being fear, grief, despair and powerlessness and the best of the worst being boredom and frustration.

How it Works

The idea is to figure out where you are currently and move up the scale. For example, let’s say you’re angry at your boss because you didn’t get the raise you were expecting. Of course, your anger (number 17 on the downward spiral) can be justified, but that state of mind probably won’t serve you. Getting to a state Joy (and Love) at the top of the scale would require a quantum leap; however, moving up a few notches to Disappointment (number 12) is more reasonable and quite possible.

The Goal

The goal is to spend as much time in the upward spiral as you can. Here’s how to move up the scale when some outside force or your own thoughts effect you.

  1. Realize you’ve been triggered. Triggers are situations like being in the slow line at the grocery store…again, bad drivers, people talking on cell phones at the gym, finance charges on your credit card or worrying about an upcoming project deadline)
  2. Look at the Scale and figure out where you are.
  3. Look at the Scale and figure out where you would like to be.
  4. Choose the better state.

There is no rule that says you must stay in a negative state for any specific amount of time. For example, if feel jealous or overwhelmed go ahead and feel the intensity of the emotion, but only for a minute or so. Then decide to pick a better state of mind. It’s really that simple. Of course, if you’re really worked up, before choosing a better state, try taking two or three slow deep breaths. If that doesn’t work, do some exercise—walk around the block or do a few jumping jacks.

Of course, you could always go to Australia.

 

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach.  You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

The Emotional Guidance Scale https://www.creatingbeyond.com/energy-clearings/emotional-guidance-scale-abraham-hicks

 

Changing Habits with Insight Timer

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Changing Habits with Insight Timer

I have a confession to make. I’m a binge-watcher of Netflix. Well, until recently, I was a binge-watcher. Now, I guess you’d say I’m in recovery.

It started the summer I was supposed to be writing a book but instead was secretly binge-watching the entire series of Lost. From there I moved on to Shameless, Queer Eye, Outlander, The Girlfriends Guide to Divorce, and others I can’t think of right now. While I would joke about binge-watching with my girlfriends (I need to go to NA—Netflix Anonymous), none of them really knew the extent of my addiction.

Here’s how it would go…

I’d get up early, get my work done as quickly as possible, have an early dinner and settle into the couch for a good three hours (sometimes more) of the series du jour. I’ll admit it: I was ashamed of my behavior, but like any addict, I couldn’t stop.  I rationalized. What else was I going to do in the evening? (read, go out with friends) It’s not like I’m gambling away the family fortune or buying hundreds of pairs of shoes. (true) Was my Netflix addiction really getting in the way of my life? (sort of). Was I willing to change? (maybe) Where could I get help? (I had no idea).

One day I decided to quit cold turkey. Instead of turning on Netflix, I picked up Becoming Michele Obama’s book and spent the evening on the couch reading, getting to know about this remarkable woman’s life. Since it was the weekend, I continued reading until I finished the book. I’ll give Michele Obama partial credit for my recovery.

I know you’re thinking…Oh, she just replaced binge-watching with binge-reading. Yes and no. I do read much more now—nonfiction mostly because I’m really into learning new things and making up for the time I lost on the couch.

But the real credit goes to my friend Jane who introduced me to Insight Timer, a meditation app, which I’ve grown to love. The app has been a life-changer—mostly because of the courses you can take (more on that in a bit).

Let me back up…

For the record, I’ve been meditating off and on ever since I read Autobiography of a Yogi in the late 80s and began following the methods taught by Self Realization Fellowship. The lessons would arrive weekly and I was a faithful devote except for the times life got in the way (kids, project deadlines, Netflix…).  As recently as 2015 I attended a Vipassana 10-day silent meditation retreat. But then I fell off the wagon and Netflix filled my schedule.

Insight Timer has been a lifesaver. As the app implies, you can just set a timer for a specific duration, but you can also take 10 and 30 day courses from a variety of teachers on a myriad of topics related to becoming a more evolved human. And given the state of the world, this type of insight is not simply helpful, it’s necessary—especially if you’re a news junkie!

Jane got me started with a guided meditation she had been listening to, but I quickly discovered a course and a talk that provided insight and clarity on my binging. Hugh Byrne’s 10-day course, How to Change Unwanted Habits, explained, “how mindfulness is a key to habit change because it brings into awareness behaviors and thought patterns that have become unconscious and automatic.” And a 52-minute talk by Tara Brach, Healing Addiction: De-Conditioning the Hungry Ghosts, “examines the suffering that arises when due to unmet needs for love ad safety, our desire becomes narrowed and fixated on substitute gratifications.” Okay, I get it!

Insight Timer helps me sleep

The app also has an entire section devoted to helping people sleep. Last night I tried the 34-minute Peaceful Sleep Meditation. It must have been great because I fell asleep about 5 minutes into it and didn’t wake up until morning.

In addition to using the app at night to help me sleep, I also spend about 30 minutes in the morning listening to a daily course. I just finished, Manifest Your Ultimate Goals & Dreams by Kenneth Soares which “guides you on a journey to take control of your life and destiny” in 14 minutes a day. I just began “Knowing Your Soul’s True Purpose” by Kim Newing who has a fabulous Australian accent. Although I’m pretty sure I know what I’m on earth to do, why not gain additional insight?

It’s been  40 days (yes, it keeps track) since I began using the app and here’s what’s changed:

I’m sleeping through the night (a miracle at best). Not once have I been  tempted to check out Netflix. I’m reading more, and best of all I’m doing more things that I love: writing every day, going out to the movies (once or twice a week), getting together with family and friends, and I’m meditating again.  Every. Day!

 

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach. You can learn more about her at janfishler.net and dontstopnow.us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why I Love Weekend Retreats and Workshops

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Why I Love Weekend Retreats and Workshops

(even the up-sell)

A few years back I decided to take the plunge and really learn about internet marketing. Specifically, I wanted to discover tips, tricks, and strategies to help me update my marketing skills. After reading several books on the subject, I realized I needed more support. That’s when I decided to attend a monthly business marketing meetup hosted by a local expert.

My first experience

The meetup consisted of a luncheon at a moderately priced restaurant and featured two or more speakers on various topics related to marketing. That’s when I learned about and took advantage of the up-sell–the pitch at the end where you try out and buy the experts upcoming services. I said yes to a FREE call to learn how the expert could help my business succeed. As a result,  I paid $197 for my very first weekend workshop event experience.

Because the event was only an hour or so from my home, I opted to commute. In  hindsight was a mistake because I missed out on the evening gatherings. However, during the day, I met some fascinating people and I learned a lot! There was an ongoing Power Point presentation, a detailed workbook, handouts, exercises, and Q&A. Essentially there was an overwhelming amount of information. So much information that if you didn’t have previous knowledge on the topic you’d be completely overwhelmed.

But that’s the point. The expert either overwhelms you with content or gives you almost everything you need so that you jump at chance to join the program that will make you more successful than you ever imagined possible.

All you have to do is cough up 10-15-20 thousand dollars or more. Of course, credit cards are good—especially the ones with no interest for the first 18 months.  Because,  if you do everything the expert says, you will make enough money to pay off the card before interest begins to accrue. One can only hope!

If you detect a bit of sarcasm, you’re right. Fortunately, I’m one of those people who always sleeps on any big decision, so I didn’t bite—at least not for the big up-sell.

But there is an art to the up-sell and when it’s done right, it is very tempting.

My second experience

Because I like learning new things and love to network, this weekend workshop experience was intriguing. While I didn’t sign up for the expert’s up-sell, I did sign up for a weekend workshop in Santa Cruz (pitched by a guest presenter). And one after that in Arizona (pitched by a different guest presenter). Followed by several online challenges. In October I’m headed to another weekend workshop in San Diego. This one is hosted by a woman who did pay the big bucks, followed all of the expert advice, and launched a very profitable business.

Here’s what I’ve learned: With the right mindset, these weekend workshops and retreats are a lot of fun and they provide a very affordable way to have a mini vacation as well as an opportunity to learn something new on a particular topic. They are perfect if you’re an introvert, who knows she needs to get out and meet new people. Because most of the events have practice exercises and networking opportunities, it’s impossible to not meet someone new. It’s also likely that you’ll also meet like-minded, smart people who want to improve some aspect of their business or themselves.

If your job is no longer challenging or interesting, a weekend retreat or workshop is a chance to check out or try something new and different. If you’re business is thriving, why not get away, have fun, enhance your skill set or knowledge base, and create a tax deduction in the process?

Not all retreats are related to business.  My friend Beth Nelson and I are hosting one specifically for women 45+ who want to rest, reflect and reset. To find out more,  check out Ignited Women Weekend Retreat Oct. 25-27, 2019 for Women 45+ at Land of Medicine Buddha in Soquel, CA. Join us for a weekend to rest, reflect, and reset with yoga, meditation, walking, writing and more

–with no big up-sell!